Friday, June 6, 2008

walk in the park

So with the ectopic pregnancy, Eddie, it was all a shock and a rush into emergency surgery. With Judah (which is how I am going to be referring to this pregnancy) it has been a shock and then a waiting game. We have four days of waiting, where I am still throwing up, still feeling very pregnant am constantly reminded that I am not carrying a baby. A hard concept to grasp at times. What do we do with these four days? We have stayed in a lot, huddle down and just enjoyed each other and our dogs. We venture out occasionally and I somehow expect the world to know that mine has stopped, but of course that is not what happens. Rather you still see smiling face, laughing children, working people, because life just goes on. But even Kevin and I are still living. We drove over to the park with the dogs and played in the creek, we laughed and giggled and smiled, how can that be in such tragedy? My only explanation is the unexplained joy that comes from the father. I am realizing that Eddie was my wake up but Judah,...Well Judah is saving me. God is revealing more to me now in this fire then I have ever imagined. And I am open, my heart is ready and wanting to hear from the father. I want to know his voice and I am not sure how much I know it, but I beginning to really listen.
We were given this verse in Psalms and I am holding onto it with a tight grip-
Psalms 34:18
"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit"
And he is so close to us right now.