Sunday, June 8, 2008
As I awoke this morning, got bathed once again in the grief, I finally started allowing myself to really walk through the days to come. Tomorrow is the surgery and I have such mixed emotions. On one hand I am so grateful that we only have to go through one more day, that by tomorrow night my hormone levels, that are so extremely high, will began to level out to normal which will make me feel better, that this surgery will not be hanging over us like the dark cloud that it has been, and that the healing process will begin. On the other hand, I am not ready for life to get back to normal, for Kevin to go to work, to not feel pregnant anymore, because all these things say it is final. So I am stuck in such a confusing emotional twist in my journey. Time will continue to go on, and life must be lived. As badly as we want to stay at this point, and in our hearts we want everyone to stay here with us, once again this is not the heart of God. I guess my prayer request for this moment in time is for courage, courage to move forward and walk head first into this grief, and this unknown. I of course fear the outcome of the surgery but know I am in palm of Gods hand, pray that as tomorrow morning approaches that comfort and security will be there, not only for me but for Kevin and my family too.