Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Bump in The Journey

Monday was big day for Jaden. Sweet Jaden loves to lay his head on the left side- he has done this since he was born. I never really thought anything of it until I noticed the left side of his head was starting to flatten. We mentioned it to the pediatrician who at the time did not think it was anything to be concerned about. However the last couple of months we have noticed it more, and we started noticing that he never really looked the other way. So we mentioned it again and this time he sent us to a physical therapist to see if there was an issue with his neck...and there is! He was most likely positioned a certain way in the womb that caused the right side of his neck to tighten up making it hard to turn that direction, and now that his head is flat on the left side, it has become his favorite way to look.

So they sent us to Charlotte to Cranial Technology, a place that specialized in helping restructure the head. I was praying that Jaden head would be mild, but after a series of pictures and an exam he is considered "severe" meaning his flattened spot is now affecting the alignment of his face. You would not (or maybe you would...) notice to look at him straight on, but from certain angles you can really see there is a problem.

God has blessed us with two beautiful boys, and they are my miracles and my gifts. I am thankful for each of them and as a mother my heart broke yesterday as I realized my "perfect" gift needed a little helmet to help his little (in my eyes perfect) head. You can visit to see what Jaden will have to wear for a few (maybe more) months. After meeting with the therapist and driving two hours back home I think the reality started to hit us. This is really not a big deal and could be something so much worse but I hate that sweet little Jaden even has to go through all of this. He will now have weekly appointments with the physical therapist and weekly appointments for his helmet, which is located conveniently in Charlotte...a 2 hr. drive each week for a 5 month old.

I don't ever want to complain, but even with our amazing insurance we are looking at paying $1900 dollars, and that is for just one helmet, they think because Jaden is considered severe he will need another one and that one will be $2500, this is all after our wonderful and amazing adoption but that left us $18,000 in debt. I don't post these numbers to make you feel bad for us, but I have always been so honest on this blog and I am not about to stop. I know God will provide but I tend to look at our bank account and wonder just where the money going to come from....but I know God is a provider, He WILL provide!

You know after walking the journey of infertility I think there is a part of you that thinks wants you achieve the goal of parenthood that things should be a little easier because of the difficulty in getting there. This is such wrong thinking and I KNOW that, it is a constant battle against the flesh. I don't deserve a breath, I don't deserve life, but the Lord grants everyday to me- and after all He has done why would I start doubting His provision now? I have to believe that because things are tough right now that we are doing exactly what God has called us to do because satan is hating us and throwing anything he can our way. But we WILL prevail, not because of anything I am doing but because of everything HE is doing!

I have posted this saying from our Pastor many times in the past, especially when I was going through such dark days, I post it again because it is what I am holding onto...
"Where praise is the presence of the Lord is, and where the presence of the Lord is satan CANNOT DWELL...” So in the midst of yet another storm, we will praise, because we already know God has it all taken care of and also because (another great quote from my Pastor)”God will not attend your pity party, not even if you give him a hat!"

Sunday, January 10, 2010

Jaden and Ty

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Realizing Reality

As I sit here Jaden is watching Baby Praise and Ty is swinging in his swing, Kevin is watching football and I am catching my breath before the next feeding/nap time. Reality that I have two babies hits me everyday- it is more then I could have ever dreamed or imagined and I am content and in love with both my boys but I am also extremely overwhelmed...I have two babies.

For so long they were a dream- something I never could tangibly feel or truly believe. Then they slowly became reality- first with sweet Jaden's adoption and then Ty's birth. And now I am living it, my life has changed and will never agian be the same, and I am trying to learn this new part of my life and I am finding that I am not going to be able to do it alone.

The expectations I had before they were here have drastically changed. I was hoping to breast feed Tyler, however today is day 10 and my milk has yet to show up. I have been open handed about it from the beginning but I did not realize just how much I would care. After many nights of a crying baby and a crying momma I let it go and submitted to the bottle. Although it will be more expensive the stress of breast feeding was not worth it for my family. We need as much peace as we can get and I have to believe that God was in the midst of these decisions.

Tyler is an amazing baby- but so very different then Jaden- which he should be. I think because Jaden is all I have known for the last four months I expected Tyler to be like Jaden, he is nothing like Jaden and so I have to learn Ty, his cries, his grunts, his own unique ways!

I had the expectation that I would jump into this parenting two babies with both feet, I would dive in and have no trouble at all...however I am realizing that I am wading, sticking in my toes and then pulling them out quickly- realizing it is going to take me sometime and so I am going to need more help then I realized. I am so blessed to have an amazing family, my mom dedicating so much of her time to me and the rest of my family stepping in so that she can be available to help me. I could just cry because I am not sure what I would do without thank you...!

I know that God designed Kevin and I for this journey, I know that God chose these little ones just for us and I know that we will do everything we can to raise these boys to be Godly men but I also am realizing that we will not be doing this on our own. It really will take a village to help and I am learning to open handed with my boys even this early!

I give all praise to my God, to my King for how far He has brought us, with the miracles He has brought into our lives, I am nothing without Him and I am open to how He will write our story! It is a new story and journey and I am excited about all the twist and turns that I know lie ahead. My life is a simple life magnified only by the King!

Monday, January 4, 2010

Tyler James

Sorry this is so late- however this just shows you how my life is now!!! Wanted you all to know that Tyler arrived Thursday healthy and perftect! Weighing in at a wonderful 10lbs 2oz and 20 inches long! He is amazing and I am doing well and loving my full home!

Thanks for all the prayers and support! If you want more pictures please comment or email me and I will make sure you get the address!!!