Sunday, January 10, 2010

Realizing Reality

As I sit here Jaden is watching Baby Praise and Ty is swinging in his swing, Kevin is watching football and I am catching my breath before the next feeding/nap time. Reality that I have two babies hits me everyday- it is more then I could have ever dreamed or imagined and I am content and in love with both my boys but I am also extremely overwhelmed...I have two babies.

For so long they were a dream- something I never could tangibly feel or truly believe. Then they slowly became reality- first with sweet Jaden's adoption and then Ty's birth. And now I am living it, my life has changed and will never agian be the same, and I am trying to learn this new part of my life and I am finding that I am not going to be able to do it alone.

The expectations I had before they were here have drastically changed. I was hoping to breast feed Tyler, however today is day 10 and my milk has yet to show up. I have been open handed about it from the beginning but I did not realize just how much I would care. After many nights of a crying baby and a crying momma I let it go and submitted to the bottle. Although it will be more expensive the stress of breast feeding was not worth it for my family. We need as much peace as we can get and I have to believe that God was in the midst of these decisions.

Tyler is an amazing baby- but so very different then Jaden- which he should be. I think because Jaden is all I have known for the last four months I expected Tyler to be like Jaden, he is nothing like Jaden and so I have to learn Ty, his cries, his grunts, his own unique ways!

I had the expectation that I would jump into this parenting two babies with both feet, I would dive in and have no trouble at all...however I am realizing that I am wading, sticking in my toes and then pulling them out quickly- realizing it is going to take me sometime and so I am going to need more help then I realized. I am so blessed to have an amazing family, my mom dedicating so much of her time to me and the rest of my family stepping in so that she can be available to help me. I could just cry because I am not sure what I would do without her...mom thank you...!

I know that God designed Kevin and I for this journey, I know that God chose these little ones just for us and I know that we will do everything we can to raise these boys to be Godly men but I also am realizing that we will not be doing this on our own. It really will take a village to help and I am learning to open handed with my boys even this early!

I give all praise to my God, to my King for how far He has brought us, with the miracles He has brought into our lives, I am nothing without Him and I am open to how He will write our story! It is a new story and journey and I am excited about all the twist and turns that I know lie ahead. My life is a simple life magnified only by the King!