Saturday, August 11, 2007
As many of you know and as some of you might not know, I have been challenged beyond words or comprehension the last year. God has been stretching me, breaking me and refining me through so many events in my life. Zi my dog getting bit by the rattle snake, moving to NC, my husband starting a new job, leaving many friends in CO, selling our house, buying a new house, staying at my parents house, and sending my husband to Korea have just been minor things. The most impacting thing in my life that many of you do not know about was loosing my baby. You might be reading this and thinking to yourself that I never had a baby, but I was never ready to talk about it until now.
Two weeks before Kevin excepted his job in NC I found out I was 6-8 weeks pregnant. You can imagine Kevin and mine excitement and surprise as we took in a new move and the hope and dream of a new little Tanner. I was more then excited, and sick as some of you remember....
When I went in for my first ultrasound they could not find my baby, they were concerned and thought that I had miscarried my first little baby. The next morning they called informing me that I was still pregnant and that I needed to wait a week. This is probably the time that I fell off the face of the earth. I was put on bed rest, I was scared, confused and sad and trying to embrace my growing baby everyday. A week later I found myself in the emergency room about to go under for surgery, my baby was in my fallopian tube and if they did not remove the baby we would both die. On may 31, 2007 at 5:00am the Lord took home mine and Kevin's first little one. Even now it is hard to talk about.
You know what I am learning through all of this? That it is okay to be angry, upset, mad, and emotional with God. He knows your heart anyway why not tell him and that is exactly what I am trying to do. During these tough days I have not been the Beth you know, I don't even know myself at this moment in time. It is an accomplishment if I get out of bed in the morning and put two feet in front of the other, and to believe that God really does work out everything for his Glory!
Many of you call and email which I cannot even tell you how much I love and appreciate. But I need you to know I am not talking to many people right now. I can't explain it and I am not sure how long I will be this way. I turn my phone off a lot because it make me anxious...I know crazy. But remember I am just trying to be as honest as I can and I need you all to know about this! I do not want any of you thinking that I am ignoring you or not wanting to talk. I love you all and miss everyone!
Thanks for the prayers and support!
Thursday, July 12, 2007
Beth: So Beth how was the move?
Beth: Well it was good, it was a long drive from Colorado all the way to NC but that's okay. We stopped in Kansas and saw the world largest prairie dog and you know what??? It was a statue...how Miss leading!
Beth: Wow that is interesting I will put a note down not to visit it, at least you had fun on your journey. So what is the best thing about being back?
Beth: Probably the family. I am enjoying my nieces and nephews immensely and love seeing them daily.
Beth: Ah yes the kids, they change often. So what is the worst thing?
Beth: The obvious, being away from all my friends in CO. It has hard and I miss them. That and not having a home right now, we are staying with my parents and it is really hard...
Beth: Oh I'll bet that is hard, I really admire you for being able to do that...you really are amazing...a hero....the best person I have ever met...wow!!!
So how long will you be with them?
Beth: Only ten more days, we bought a beautiful home and will be moving in very soon, we are so excited!!
Beth: That is exciting I would really like to come for a visit! So is there anything else?
Beth: Nope this was a great interview, I am sure I will blog again soon...until then I encourage you all to keep your eyes on God..he is the only way~
Monday, June 11, 2007
How I already miss you.
I can't believe all that God has done this past year. He has used each of you in my life in such a huge way. As Kevin and I prepare to leave the great state of Colorado we leave behind many friends and family. Please know how hard it is for Kevin and I to go. The Lord has stretched us beyond what we can explain in many ways and we are being stretched even now as we leave. We know that this is all part of Gods planning!
My kids, I can't even tell you how many of you I adopted in my heart. You have made me laugh, scream, smile and even cry. Many of you got yelled at by me at Dare2Share and Winter Camp and yet you still loved me and excepted me. You are my pride and my heart. My desire for you still is to to know Jesus Christ and to make a choice to follow him, one you will never regret! Keep in touch with me!!!!! I will visit I promise!
Here is our info:
Address (for now)
203 Davis Mnt. Rd.
LOVE YOU!!! I will continue to update my blog~~~
Sunday, May 20, 2007
"Man plans his path but the Lord will direct his steps."
I find myself in situations where I have planned out how I want things to go and the Lord changes it all up. Here are some examples that have happened in the last couple weeks.
1) Two weeks ago after a lot of prayer and consideration Kevin and I made the decision that it was time that I step down from my job at Woodmen. It was for a lot of reason but was not what I was expecting nor was I planning... once again a Challenge.
2) A week ago this past Friday I went on a hike with some of the most amazing high school girls EVER! Katie Mac and Corrie Egli, we headed out to Ute Valley with my two dogs Zion "Zi" who is three years old and Moab who is only 13 weeks old. We hiked up about a mile or two... I really am not sure and decided to turn around. As we were walking down my dog Zi jumped in the air like three feet. I was like what the heck when all of the sudden I saw this ugly rattle snake staring straight at my dog who was only at this point three feet from the snake. I had to get closer to the snake to make sure that Zion would come to me, he did and then Corrie and Katie and I had to walk five feet from the snake to get past it. When we were sure we were far enough away from the snake I put Zion down to make sure he was okay but sure enough he got bit on his back right paw. At that point I lost all sanity and began freaking out. We quickly grabbed Zion who is almost 40 pounds and started running to the car. There are so many other details but needless to say that in the midst of everything I could feel God challenging me to trust him in this moment, it was not at all how I planned my day but was I willing to believe that in this moment this was his best for me. Zion is doing amazing and is slowly getting back to normal!!!!
3) So when we moved here to Colorado we bought a house and we were planning on being here for at least 5 years. As the year has progressed and things have changed at Kevins job he decided we would at least take opportunities that may present themselves on other jobs. On Tuesday after the whole rattle snake scare Kevin got an email from a Job in NC. He had interviewed with this company a couple of months ago and we were waiting to hear back. It would be a job that would take me back to my family. As hard as it would be to leave it would really mean a lot to me and my family to get closer to them. We WAITED what seemed to be forever and Got the job offer on Tuesday. I did not realize however that they would want us to move so fast. We will be leaving on June 11th for North Carolina. It will be so hard to say good bye to my students, and friends at Woodmen. It has been amazing and God has put the most amazing girls in my life. I feel so blessed and overwhelmed. I never dreamed I would meet some of my closest friends here in Colorado Springs.
As you can see God has different plans for our lives. I am challenged even now with somethings I cannot share, things I never expected nor asked for but in my deepest heart I know that in this time this is GODS BEST!!!! This his absolute BEST!
Tuesday, May 1, 2007
Through the falling rain I can feel him raining his love down on me touching the deepest parts of my soul and healing my wounds. As the weather is warmer, as the ice melts away and as the flowers begin to bloom into the most beautiful colors I can feel the winter melting away from my heart. New seasons bring new life. I embrace the new life with everything that is within me.
You have to stop and listen, you have to close your eyes and let him warm your face by the sun, run his fingers through your hair by the wind, and stroke your face with the mist of the rain, but you must stop for a moment in your busy life to allow him to romance you.
Are you ready to change? Are you ready to Grow? Are you ready to be new? He is waiting for you!
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
We had the auction, which was amazing, they raised $15,000 dollars for missions. I was amazed at Gods blessing and provision! I love being surprised by God!
So guess what I did on Saturday afternoon???? I bought a brand new little puppy. He is a little Westie and is to cute for words. It was a total surprise and we were not planning on getting a puppy on that Saturday in front of Wal-mart but God blessed us!!! He has the greatest little personality and is doing really well with Zion, they love to play and wrestle together!!!
So please meet MO--
Thursday, April 5, 2007
I will blog more soon but because they are here I am taking a couple of my days off sooner then later!!
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Wednesday, March 28, 2007
There were two farmers, neighbors, both praying for rain for their crops - for their livelihood. After praying, one farmer waited for the rain; the other farmer went to his field and started preparing for rain. Which one do you think had the greater faith?
So my question is how can we prepare for the rain? What does this mean, what actions do we take. Obviously for the farmers they went, they got there crops ready... so how can I prepare my crops and fields for the rain? What are my crops and fields?
Well I have been thinking and processing this a lot, and I am not sure I even really have answer. My fields are my life, and my crops are the lives around me that God has placed before me. My life needs rain! I feel dry and dead, my spirit weary and worn out, how then do I prepare for the rain? I can tell I need the sweet aroma of rain, the feel of it soaking into my dry and weary land, I can sense around me, when I look into the eyes of those who are close, they too need rain. The crops need rain.
The rain is the beautiful, amazing, fulfillment of Christ. His spirit soaks into our dry and weary souls, waters us, nourishes us and brings us back to life. And as we soak in his spirit as we are filled with his presences and as he ministers to our souls we then are able to poor into the crops around us, the friends who need us, the family members who are dry and worn out. We can allow Christ to water them through us.
So I prepare my fields first, I prepare my self, I fall before the throne of God with nothing left to give of my self, and I allow him to poor into me, I allow him to touch the deep part of my heart that has become so broken and cracked with the dryness that has overcome me in and allow him to pour his spirit upon it. Then and only then can I poor into the lives around me, then and only then, when it is none of me and all of Him can he use my soul, spirit and love for others. He will fulfill every depth of my spirit, and my being.
He will be like rain falling on a mown field, like showers watering the earth.
Like the appearance of a rainbow in the clouds on a rainy day, so was the radiance around him. This was the appearance of the likeness of the glory of the LORD. When I saw it, I fell facedown, and I heard the voice of one speaking.
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
I will blog more tomorrow........
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
It was an amazing vacation. I went to Pennsylvania and visited a very close friend. We had so much fun and laughed until our stomachs ached.
I missed you all so much and am glad to get back in to routine again. I missed Kevin and my dog Zi and were excited to see them again.
God is on the move and at work in my life. I am teaching this Saturday and am excited to share with you how God is changing my heart. I feel like I have been in the dessert and God is using Genesis to teach me and challenge me!!
How are you guys doing? Please email me and tell me what you thought of Winter Camp!!
Thursday, March 8, 2007
Friday, March 2, 2007
Thursday, March 1, 2007
It made me realize how unpredictable life really is. The weather can change in a matter of minutes, a drive home can change from the moment you step into your car, life can change the instant you answer the phone, your feelings can change in a moment with words.
Our days our not ours; our days should be lived for the king who lives for and in us. Our minutes are not ours; our minutes should be spent praising and honoring our king. Our lives are not ours; our lives are to be laid down, just as the father laid down his own life for us.
For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
In his heart a man plans his course,but the LORD determines his steps.
So friends lets live our lives knowing that our lives are not our own!
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
1) Never on Mondays
2) Never on the weekends becuase I am not here. (This means it will be Tuesday - Friday)
2) I have to have it posted by 12:00am
3) If I am sick or out of town I will let you know ahead of time
4) You have to comment on my blog about which day I missed.
Have a fantastic day... and look outside....it is snowing!!! I am praying for six feet!!!
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
I want to have a high degree of pleasure in the Lord, I want to have enjoyment in the Lord, I want to have pure, amazing, never ending Joy in my Lord. When my heart is focused not on what my dreams, desires, hopes or wants are, when I stop focusing on me and start focusing on delighting myself in the Lord then and only then God can give me the desires of my heart. But once again I am challenged on "God will give you the desires of your heart." Most people take this as their dreams, desire, hopes and wants, so often that is how I read this verse. But I read it again and have mediated on this and realize that as I am seeking God, seeking his heart,and delighting myself in him then HE will place HIS desires in my heart, making them "the Desires of your heart", they will be HIS desires, HIS wants, HIS dreams, HIS hopes, HIS wants.
Sunday, February 18, 2007
I missed all of you so much on Saturday night, thinking of you the whole time. I heard that it went well and that God was really moving in your hearts. Let me know what God taught you.
It is so beautiful here. We have a small little house that we are staying at with views of the mountains from every angle. It makes me praise God for all of the beauty he painted and created just for us. I realize that I don't stop often enough to relax and look around at where I am and what God has done and is doing. So much like life, we get so caught up in working, sports, school, and hanging out that we forget to lift our heads and see the beauty that is around us.
Thursday, February 15, 2007
When I arrive in the office I always turn my computer and lamp on. Ahh...The nice lamp...Everyone here in our office has a red lamp and I think I am the only person in the whole office that actually uses their lamp. When I first started working here I would run around and turn everyone's lamps on but then I realized it was to much work and I was being to distracting, but that is beside the point. As my computer is loading and as I log on I try to take a few moments to silent my heart and pray for the day. Then my email pops up and usually there is many to read and reply too. I always look forward to seeing who has emailed and what is going on. Usually they are encouraging but you do have those days when you read the email and your heart sinks making you wish you had never opened that email. But the day continues...
One of my favorite parts of the week is Chapel, I think because everyone in the office gets together for a short time to pray, share and worship our God, I wish we could start everyday in chapel. What a blessing it would be.
But the best part of my days in the week is when the unexpected happens...an unexpected phone call, email, or card. An unexpected blessing or laugh you did not see coming. The unexpected war of marshmallows....or driving donuts in the parking lot of the church. Yes the unexpected fun of ministry.
And at the end of the day when I lay my head down I realized how blessed I am to work at a place where I get to experience so much fun!!
Wednesday, February 14, 2007
It is amazing to me how much snow we have actually gotten. Now you have to understand I am from the good ol' south and we don't get much snow back home. In fact if it even was forecasted that the possibility of snow might happen they would cancel school, all the bread and milk would be bought out and we would turn up the heat in our home and wait for a snow flake. If that snow flake fell...it would be on the news, kids would have their sleds out and the snow plows would be out waiting to plow the one inch we might just get. I am not even joking.
So now I live in Colorado Springs, and when it snows I call the snow line because in my mind I am thinking, "who would drive in this? It is a national disaster we all need to stay in" and as that phone rings I anticipate the close of Woodmen Valley Chapel, but instead I am faced with a harsh reality "Good morning, the offices will open at there normal time!" What the Heck??? Normal Time???? Where is the delay? Why are we not staying in??? I do not understand... So I have learned to pray for at least 6 feet of snow, or snow with lots of wind, and then my dear friend, we might be able to have an amazing snow day!
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
I want to be blameless, I want to be pure. I want to put all my trust into my Father who I know loves me and wait. I know that my God is a big God, and I know he cares for me deeply. So now my friends, I encourage you that whatever you are going through, whatever struggles, fears or anxious thoughts you might have about anything. Place your trust and faith in our father. Take time, sit back and pray over the situation, and then Wait. Wait for his mighty voice, his answer to prayer, his sweet and gentle nudge.