Sunday, February 22, 2009

Your Very Best

Remember to pause my music at the bottom of the screen before watching the clip!

I have watched this movie over and over again, and the scene above is one scene that has stuck with me over the years. Sometimes I feel like God is leaning over me in life and yelling the things that the coach is yelling. I feel like he encourages me and asking me constantly to give him my very best...

I feel like quiting sometimes, especially in this journey of wanting a baby, some days are just so hard. I often times feel like I have yelled to God that I can't do anymore- "it hurts," "it is to hard" and God continues to yell at me not to give him my VERY BEST, and He continues to encourage me every agonizing step I take.

I know that one day I will hold a baby in my arms- until that moment, as hard as it may be I will continue to do my very best!

Daniels blog and Moments framed have also been updated- Go check them out!!

Friday, February 13, 2009

The Hair Cut

Here are a few pics of the dogs, I don't know how but I was able to find a some energy to give them haircuts! I wish I had taken a before but I did not think about it, so I was able to find one from awhile back....

They are so much fun!

Sickness and Waiting

Well the last couple of days I have been sick. As I was throwing up I kept thinking “not again Lord…” Fortunately I had medicine left over from when I had food poisoning that I was able to take to stop the throwing up, now I am just dealing with a sore throat and weakness. The bummer part of being sick this time was that Kevin was in Houston, it is no fun being sick alone.

This sickness seemed to hit everyone around me. I was most concerned about Daniel and my 90 year old Nana; they both did get it but seem to be coming out on the other side fine. I know that this was just another kick from satan, especially since lately I have been really doing so well. When I wrote out that I was truly living I knew this was going to make satan so angry, he can kick all he wants, I will not be destroyed!

I have been praying about writing and sharing where Kevin and I are when it comes to trying again for a child. The past pregnancy really knocked me out not only physically but emotionally as well. As you all know I am just coming out on the other side and it has been a rough and rocky road, but I AM STILL STANDING! Part of this journey was waiting the six months to try. Once the six months approached I knew I was not ready to try again, at that moment we decided to go month by month in deciding when the best time would be, we are still waiting for the Lord to release our hearts so that we can try again.

I know some people don’t understand why we would wait, why we would want to wait when there is not guarantee when or how long it may take. I have had those same thoughts and fears. I am starting to realize that as much as I would like to think that having a child is in my control it is not, God is far bigger then my control. I just know what I feel in my heart, I want to be the best I can be when God decides to hand us the greatest gift of a child, and I feel as though each day I am closer to that moment.

I have hesitated in sharing with people this part of the journey because I know some don’t understand, but I don’t think any of us can understand Gods ways sometimes, but we can look back and see his amazing grace and his sufficient love. He is giving me strength to make it through this waiting, and I am sure there will be more days in waiting ahead. I know I can trust in Gods timing, Gods hands, Gods plans, and Gods amazing story for me!

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

With Springs Comes Expectancy

Spring is such a representation of new life! It is amazing to me how much the weather really affects us. Now that it is getting warm and I am starting to see new life around our house it really does stir a feeling of new life in my heart.

In the last couple of weeks Kevin and I have heard news of family and friends who are rejoicing and celebrating their new pregnancy, their new life. As excited and joyful as we are for them of course there is a pain and sorrow that follows, as we so desperately want to experience all that they are experiencing.

What I am truly amazed at is that Kevin and I are experiencing new life, but within ourselves. I am daily preparing my heart, my mind, my body to one day be able to experience a new life growing within me. I am constantly praying that it would be God’s timing and not ours; this in itself is new life for me. I feel like the healing that has been taking place in the last few weeks has been God giving Kevin and me a new and vibrant life!

A couple of weeks ago at church our pastor prayed for those dealing with infertility, he prayed that we would have a heart of expectancy, and that is just what I have been having. I don’t know when or how God will bring children into our lives, I don’t know what our family is really going to look like, but I do have a heart of expectancy for all God is about to do.

I am starting to realize that in my life and in this journey I always want to have a heart that is always expecting God to do great thing, because that is the God I serve, He loves to do great and wondrous things, but they are not always what we want or how we want, but they will be greater then we could even imagine! The verse in Ephesians is my hope and my expectancy!

Ephesians 3:20
Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us…

Wednesday, February 4, 2009

Awake With New and Vibrant Life

July 2th I wrote a blog, it had only been a month after losing Judah so I was in the midst of my grief and healing. At the end of the blog I wrote:

“Right now God has me tightly in the palm of his hand protecting me and loving me, and asking everyone else, except for the people HE has chosen, to please leave the room so that he can bring the young girl who is “asleep” back to life. I am the young girl asleep right now, and in due time, I will rise with a new and vibrant life, and what a story we will have!”

When he arrived at the house of Jairus, he did not let anyone go in with him except Peter, John and James, and the child's father and mother. 52Meanwhile, all the people were wailing and mourning for her. "Stop wailing," Jesus said. "She is not dead but asleep."53They laughed at him, knowing that she was dead. 54But he took her by the hand and said, "My child, get up!" 55Her spirit returned, and at once she stood up... "

I am here to say that God has awakened me, I am standing, praising, and for the first time in a long time I am truly living! He has healed me and wiped every tear from my face, he is the healer of my soul! I know that there will be tough days ahead, but I can now look back at where I was and where I am standing now and know that I can make it through!

I am thankful for my journey- and I know that this is not the end; really this is just the beginning. I do know that no matter what God allows into my life, or what Satan tries to send our way, Kevin and I will make it. I can honestly say that on this journey Kevin and I have never stopped praising our God, not for one second!