Friday, July 2, 2010

Stepping Away

Honesty- I can't write on this blog right now. It hit me today that I need to come clean about this blog. It has come to a halt with a few updates because I feel guilty so I write something. There a few reasons why I can't update this blog right now. I am not closing it, I am just making an announcement that I am not going to be posting on it for a while. The reasons very and I feel as though I need to be honest about this as well.

1)Privacy: not for me personally but for my boys, for Liesl, for our situation. I do not feel comfortable adding to much to this blog as public as it is, I don't know who follows it...when it was just my journey I was okay with sharing my heart, taking the criticisms that it brought but now...when it affects so many it is just not worth it to hear everyone's opinion regarding our personal situation and journey.

2)Time: I hate using the “I don't have time” but I really don't for this blog. God is leading me in new directions with a new journey. He is allowing me to be a part of a ministry with 6 other girls, a ministry of health and our temples, bringing glory to God through our spiritual body and physical body. It is SO exciting and I spend much of my “free” time when I have it investing into the growth of this ministry!

3)And lastly and most importantly I don't have freedom in my heart from God to post about my daily life, ups and downs and milestones of my boys when so many women who read this are longing for their day to enter into motherhood. I tried to find that freedom, to force it but I realize now that I just can't and I am done forcing it. I long for the day for each of you, and my blog was for a season of grief. I really believe that is why I am not closing it. For those who might need encouragement from my journey it will be here, but I will not be salt in the wound as they read about my journey of motherhood, it just does not seem right for me personally. I long for the day when God opens the door for me to share more about my journey of adoption and our relationship with Sweet Girl Liesl, but until that day I must stay silent.

This is my last post for a while, I really never thought this day would come, and to be honest it is bitter sweet, more sweet then bitter though. I crossed into motherhood and when you do that, even though you don't forget your grief, pain or loss your voice into the land of infertility quiets a bit, at least for me it did. I am here checking on your blogs, being present in prayer and support but my blog will remain quiet!

I post this because to just never write would leave you guy wondering where I was. I am here, just in a new place in life and wanting to embrace all the new things God is bringing to my door. Please know I will update the website of the boys and pictures, if you would like that information please email or comment and I will send you the link and password.

Thank you for praying me to this point, supporting me on my dark days and loving me through it all!