Friday, July 2, 2010

Stepping Away

Honesty- I can't write on this blog right now. It hit me today that I need to come clean about this blog. It has come to a halt with a few updates because I feel guilty so I write something. There a few reasons why I can't update this blog right now. I am not closing it, I am just making an announcement that I am not going to be posting on it for a while. The reasons very and I feel as though I need to be honest about this as well.

1)Privacy: not for me personally but for my boys, for Liesl, for our situation. I do not feel comfortable adding to much to this blog as public as it is, I don't know who follows it...when it was just my journey I was okay with sharing my heart, taking the criticisms that it brought but now...when it affects so many it is just not worth it to hear everyone's opinion regarding our personal situation and journey.

2)Time: I hate using the “I don't have time” but I really don't for this blog. God is leading me in new directions with a new journey. He is allowing me to be a part of a ministry with 6 other girls, a ministry of health and our temples, bringing glory to God through our spiritual body and physical body. It is SO exciting and I spend much of my “free” time when I have it investing into the growth of this ministry!

3)And lastly and most importantly I don't have freedom in my heart from God to post about my daily life, ups and downs and milestones of my boys when so many women who read this are longing for their day to enter into motherhood. I tried to find that freedom, to force it but I realize now that I just can't and I am done forcing it. I long for the day for each of you, and my blog was for a season of grief. I really believe that is why I am not closing it. For those who might need encouragement from my journey it will be here, but I will not be salt in the wound as they read about my journey of motherhood, it just does not seem right for me personally. I long for the day when God opens the door for me to share more about my journey of adoption and our relationship with Sweet Girl Liesl, but until that day I must stay silent.

This is my last post for a while, I really never thought this day would come, and to be honest it is bitter sweet, more sweet then bitter though. I crossed into motherhood and when you do that, even though you don't forget your grief, pain or loss your voice into the land of infertility quiets a bit, at least for me it did. I am here checking on your blogs, being present in prayer and support but my blog will remain quiet!

I post this because to just never write would leave you guy wondering where I was. I am here, just in a new place in life and wanting to embrace all the new things God is bringing to my door. Please know I will update the website of the boys and pictures, if you would like that information please email or comment and I will send you the link and password.

Thank you for praying me to this point, supporting me on my dark days and loving me through it all!

6 comments:

Ryan & Amber said...

Well said, Beth. Thank you for sharing as much of your journey as you have. It has touched my life in insurmountable ways. Love you!

Stacey said...

Beth, the Lord has used this blog for a season of your life (and mine and so many others). You can be assured of that! And I totally support whatever decision you choose to make about the future of it. I'm so glad for these new directions in your life -- the boys and the new ministry opportunities -- and look forward to seeing all that God has planned for you, my dear friend.

Jesse and Mandy Peterson said...

I understand where you're coming from and I think you have to follow your heart. I'll miss hearing the ways God speaks through you on your blog, but I hope I can still keep in touch with you on FB and watch your little boys grow :-)

twondra said...

We understand sweetie. Like Stacey said, God used this blog for a season. We're all here for you always. (((HUGS)))

Becky said...

Beth, I will be forever thankful for you and your blog. Through it, you ministered to me in my darkest hour. I don't think I can ever thank you enough. I am glad you will keep it open to be an encouragement to others.

I will miss you greatly. But I know you have entered a new season of your life and you have to follow how the Lord leads. I have no doubt He will continue to use you in mighty ways. May God continue to bless you and your family.

Andrea said...

Beth,

Your openess and constant honesty are what make you so precious to those of us whose lives you've touched. This journey, your journey has instilled HOPE in so many. Your constant encouragement and dedication to FAITH are admirable. During a very low time in my life I found great comfort in your words and will always be reminded of the beautiful person you are. As you say, this was a season in your life. Now, you must go forward and enjoy the new "season of life" that surrounds you :) I wish you all the best that life has to offer and thank you for touching my life.

On another note, I am forwarding your blog to a precious blogger named Rachel who is in the beginning stages of adoption. She's a wonderful christian woman and I feel that she will gain so much from connecting with another Mother who has walked the road of God's miracle of adoption.

Much love to you and may you prosper always, as you feel God's grace.

xxxx
andrea