Hello!!! I can't even tell you how excited I am to be writing again. I have been praying for sometime now about whether to blog or not. The time off was much needed and I think appropriate. God has revealed so many amazing things to me in the last several months. Things I hope to share with you over time.
I believe the time off made me refocus. I played around with opening a new blog and starting over, but then God pressed on my heart the importance of this blog. This blog has always been my journal and I am so thankful for each writing, each entry, each word. They are my heart and my journey and I don't for one second regret anything that was written. I look back and see how far God has brought me, how far this journey has come, and how much God is continuing to do for me, in me, and through me!
I know many people came across this blog because they were dealing with their own loss and ache to be a parent. When I became a mom I did not feel like I could journal any longer because I did not want to cause more pain to those still experiencing loss and grief. I am so beyond sensitive to those dealing with infertility and loss. I feel like I can encourage but how can I speak on that subject any longer when so many have passed me by with so much more grief and pain?
God is showing me though that I still have a story, I still have a journey and although now my joy might be someones sorrow, my story still speaks to those who God intends it to speak to. I have a heart to be open and honest, I am called to this. I am called to journal publicly about the ups and downs of life in hopes that it points to God and God alone.
I want to share my insecurities of being a mom, I want to share my joys of being a mom, I want to share my frustrations of being a mom. I want to be able to speak about open adoption, I want to be a huge advocate for adoption and be a open book on this subject.I want to honest about the big and little things but most importantly I want to share my heart with God, my struggle to put Christ first in a life that continues to move fast at a pace I struggle to keep up with.
And now I am about to enter into a whole new phase to this journey. I am pregnant. (I just have to stop for a moment and tell those of you who are still dealing with infertility that I am so sorry. I did not know how else I could write it or say it. I understand if my blog needs to not be read any more, please do whatever YOU need to do. I believe in a big God, a God of blessings and of joy and a God who is so intimate that He is catching every tear you cry, and holding you tightly in the palm of His almighty hands.) This is complete and utter excitement and comes with an emotion I can't describe. I never ever thought this would be my journey. I will have 3 children under 3!
What amazes me is the fear and grief that still comes with each pregnancy I experience. Even though I hold onto Ty and Jaden I find myself still expecting the worse. I am learning daily to let go of my fears and live in the moment of Life! I am just short of 11 weeks and all is going well so far. We are beyond grateful and feel blessed beyond measure.
The other phase in our journey is the unexpected news that Kevin's job with Volvo here in Asheville NC is coming to an end. They are shutting down the plant here and moving us all to Pennsylvania. This is devastating news to Kevin and I as this has become home over the last 4 years. We can't imagine moving but we feel that at this point we don't see any other way. We have no definite plans as of yet, and are thankful we will have baby #3 here. The move is not suppose to happen until June 2012.
So, here we go and I invite you to come along with me! AS I wrote this post I fed breakfast, watched Elmo, change 3 poops, ended 3 frustrating arguments, fixed 3 toys and now we are outside playing and all before 10am so with that said no my post my not be consistent in timing!