Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Dreams to Reality

There have been so many moments over the course of the last two years where I could not believe this was my life. Like right now.

As I type this I am sitting on my deck listening to the joys of my boys little voices fill the air. There is nothing quite like it. I try hard to freeze the moment, making it stand still in time. I know one day I will wish with everything inside of me for these days to be back. But there is no going back, there is only going forward. And so I must learn to embrace the moving forward with open arms and a ready heart.

Raising two little boys is a huge responsibility. I long for my boys to be warriors for God, to have hearts that seek Him, and want to know Him. That is my prayer above all other prayers "Lord give them hearts to know you, ears to hear you, life to serve you..." Because at the end of the day this will be the one thing that will carry them through all of lives difficult times.

Ahh yes I sound so spiritual writing all this out, and yes this is my deepest hearts longing, but can I just say that even two years into my parenting I have failed daily, by the moment. I laugh now at my dreams before becoming a mom....I will pray through each situation, I will never allow my anger or frustration to get a hold of me...that I will quote scripture each morning as I danced around to praise music while fixing them breakfast, looking perfect because "I will never be that mom that wears sweat pants everyday"...um yeah not quite, makes me laugh out loud...instead I often times roll out of bed, put on what I had on yesterday (which is sweats and a T-shirt), come down stairs and put on Word World, or Elmo, depending on what I am not sick of, and fix them a bagel, or eggs...depending on what we had the day before.

Perfection got thrown out the moment my boys enter the world, and my flesh often times gets the best of me. I am thankful that God is a big God who fills in my many missing links and pot holes, taking care of the boys when I am failing. And there is nothing super spiritual about that, just a thankful earthly mom!