Saturday, April 17, 2010

Growing so BIG

It is 10:30pm, I usually do Ty's dream feed around now but have decided to push it to 11 since he did not eat as well earlier, I am hoping he will be more hungry. We are still trying to figure this little man out. He is so cute, smiles all the time, cues, giggles, screams, and is so so close to rolling over onto his belly! He does not like to be alone, likes to be moved around a lot and loves for you to talk to him! Even when he cries he will light up if you just start talking to him! He is still NOT sleeping through the night, I have given it up, tried everything and decided this is just extra time God is giving me to be with him, so I am okay with it!

Jaden is the light of a room. He will steal your heart with his big blue eyes. He is hard to get to smile at first but then he is all smiles and giggles and is pure entertainment! He constantly amazes me and when I think he can’t win my heart any more, he does! He is my content baby, goes with the flow hardly cries or fusses and is laid back! He is also my entertainment for Ty, who is fascinated by him!

As I am learning and growing as a parent I realize how hard it is not to compare, especially because my boys are so close together and oh so different! I hate comparing, but I find I have done it quite a bit and have had to go to the Lord for forgiveness. I truly love them both but I can see where parents can struggle with favoritism if you are not constantly aware and cautious of it. I am trying to be as transparent as I can be with my feelings and emotions, knowing that through all of this God is still teaching me as His child, guiding me and showing me where and when to turn with these boys!

I love them both, I don’t love one more than the other, and although adoption is a word in our family it does not change the emotions or love I have toward my boys. We often say “Ty looks like….or does….like…..” But I have found that we do the same thing with Jaden, comparing him to the likes of Kevin and me. I think what we have found that is difficult is that Jaden is such an easy going kid, so Ty is a little bit more opinionated, so it is easy to always say…. “Jaden is such a good baby….Jaden is so amazing….Jaden is…..” I just don’t’ want Jaden to grow up hearing how much Ty is just like us, and I don’t want Ty growing up hearing how good Jaden is…and this is where parenting is hard!

All I know is that God has given me an abundance of love for these boys. Each one is a gift from God, chosen specifically for Kevin and me. I know that as a human in a sinful world I will make a mistake when raising my boys. I hate thinking about it, but that is reality. So I humbly go before the Lord, seeking his direction on how to love these boys for who THEY are, I know that each one will require different love at different times, but regardless I never ever want either of them to feel that the other receives more love. I hope that through their lives I can convey just how much each of them is loved for who they are!

It is always a lesson, and I have only been on this parenting journey for 8 months. I can’t imagine when I look back, 8 years, 18 years, 28 years and so on….all the lessons I will have learned and all the love I will still have. I rest in know that God’s love is so much greater then my love, and where I fail He never fails, where I lack, HE never lacks, where I struggle, HE never struggles!!! What a comfort to know I have Him their guiding me each step of the way!

An update at a glance…
Ty is almost the same size of Jaden wearing six/nine month clothes!!
Ty is almost rolling over
Ty will start solids at the end of this month, earlier then Jaden but because he is ALWAYS hungry!
Jaden is not crawling but can just about get anywhere he wants
Jaden has two teeth coming in!!!
Jaden loves his walker and can get anywhere he wants in the house!
Liesl will be joining us for Jaden’s first birthday, what a reunion that will be for all of us, marking a wonderful year for all!

And my blogging gals,
I am sorry I don’t comment nearly as much as I should, I follow your blogs, your transplants, pregnancies, adoptions, losses, IVF cycle, and waiting! I pray, cry out to God and am constantly thinking of you! Lots of love to each you!!!