My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?
Why are you so far from saving me,
so far from the words of my groaning?
O my God, I cry out by day, but you do not answer,
by night, and am not silent.
YET you are enthroned as the Holy One;
you are the praise of Israel,
In you are fathers put their trust;
they trusted and you delivered them.
They cried to you, and were saved;
in you they trusted and were not disappointed.
I believe that Kevin and I will not be disappointed, we are not let down by our God, we hang on to his promises and we will praise him during our suffering. Oh how I long for those of you who are reading this who do not believe in God to realize what a loving God he is and to fall into his arms, because if I turn away from God at this moment all I see is darkness, but instead in the midst of the greatest sorrow I truly have joy.
To be honest one of the things I am struggling with the most is how to pray. I believe that the God who is today is the same God is was yesterday and who will be tomorrow. I believe that the miracles that happen in the Bible can and still happen today. I truly believe that. I have had some people pray that as I go in tomorrow and they do an ultra sound before my surgery that they will see a baby. If this was not happening to me, I would probably pray the same thing for someone else. How come it is so hard to believe that for myself. Why don't I have that peace. I settle all these feelings by laying my hands open to God, declaring that he is God and my life is his to do whatever brings him the most glory, and that means placing a miracle baby in my womb tomorrow I will praise him with the greatest of praises. But if he chooses to say no, because he has a greater plan then I will praise him with the greatest of praises. I do not praise God because of what he does, I praise God because of who he is!