Saturday, June 7, 2008

Morning light

Every morning as I began to wake up, the wave of grief passes through my body once again. I just lay here and embrace the moment, let myself really feel the grief and allowing God to reveal new wonders to me. This morning as I was reading my other bolgs from the other day, God once again pointed me in the direction of purpose. Realizing that yes my purpose is to bring more people into the Kingdom, but beyond even that it is to bring more Glory to God. That is his heart.

I have to believe that this pain that I feel that is so strong and sometimes breathtaking, making me stop right where I am would be much stronger if the Father was not carrying most of the burden for me. I think we often forget that he wants me to lay it down, wants me to give it to Him, and I am offering it to him daily. It is the heart of God to take our pain and to heal.

I can remember when my Grandmother "Grammy" who held a very special spot in my heart got the news that she had cancer. I was sophomore in college. That night after the diagnosis, when it was really late I quietly went down to her house (she lived with us) and climbed into her bed and curled up with her. I began crying asking her why God would do this, and all she kept saying was how close she was to the heart of God. As her cancer began to increase and she became sicker there was one night real late that I ran up to the hospital to see if she was doing okay. I quietly opened her door and she was laying awake in her hospital bed. When she saw me she said "Oh Bethy come climb in bed with me." I once again climbed in and we curled up together. I asked her "Gram, why is this happening to you?" and her reply has stayed close to my heart all these years. She stroked my hair, wiped away my tears and said "Oh Bethy if you knew how close I was to Christ right now because of this suffering, you would not feel sorry for me. Be Brave Bethy, Be Brave...."
I have those words written in my Bible, but they are etched into my heart. And with every suffering storm along the journey that we walk, those words get etched in a little deeper. If you allow the storm to sweep you up and you get lost in the grief and self pity you miss what God is trying to show you, His Heart. But if you allow the storm to come, and you crawl on the the Wings of Christ as you began to soar you realize you are getting a glimpse of the fathers heart, he has so many things he want to show you. And as he begins to pour out the wonders and truths, they become the healing balm to your aching heart.