I sit here this morning at my computer with much on my mind and not sure where to really start. First and for most I am very proud, I took a huge step this morning in this journey, I went to the gym! Oh my- not only did I go to the gym, but my legs are not really thanking me at this moment in time because I did a 90 minute cycling class…Oh my…. I am not sure what tomorrow morning will look like and if my legs will let Kevin and I do our weekly hike. It was such an accomplishment for me to get up early with Kevin, make my bed, and then drive to the gym, and then it was HUGE to walk into the gym without the comfort of Kevin, and a titanic move to actually attend the class. What struck me as monumental were not all these things I just said, but that I, for the whole 90 minutes, with a full class, did not have one anxiety attack (applause and I take my bow). Moments like these I hold onto with a tight grasp, for the healing is coming and I am embracing it! Now if I can just figure out how I can have church at the gym with everyone on a bike I just might make it through… (Just a random thought, the church could use a little exercise anyway).
I am looking forward to continuing this part of the journey, healing physically. With PCOS, I struggle with my weight. I cannot blame all my struggles on PCOS but does help me know the weight is going to come off slowly, a molasses dripping speed! I am okay with this; I am not looking to be thin, rather as healthy as I can be for when we get the okay to start trying again. They say if you just lose 10% of your body weight your chances for conceiving increase, why would I not do all I can do on my part. I have realized in the process of losing Judah, that even if we do everything right, you are not guaranteed anything, except the love of Christ. I however do know that Christ dwells within my human temple, and I want to take the best care of the body he has given to me.
Onto my next thought- there are many of you who have been so faithful in coming along with us on this journey, my words and expressions will never really say how much we appreciate it! The blog has been an outlet for me to connect with family and friends who wanted to know how Kevin and I were doing. It was a way for me to figure out my thoughts and became something I could always hold onto and look back at. Over the last month even the blog has taken on a new journey- changing in many ways and now it is open to so many new people who are looking for comfort by someone on a similar path. It is amazing how much strength you gather from others who are struggling and having the same thoughts and feeling, which is why I added my blog to a couple of lists that make it easier for people to find me and come along on the journey. New visitors I welcome you, I am so glad you have stopped by and are joining me on this difficult be rewarding path. I hope that through my writings you will find comfort but even more then that you will find Christ, which is my greatest hope for you. I can’t imagine walking this uphill battle without the Love that comes from my Father!