Sunday, August 17, 2008

I Know...

I know that I am hard to talk to, I am sure you wonder if you have said the right thing or the wrong thing or if saying nothing at all was the best choice.

I know that I am overly sensitive, emotional, and unpredictable these days- I get it, sometimes I don’t even know the right thing to say to myself, so I understand how you might not know.

I know you wonder if you should come around or stay away, say something or nothing at all, mention my baby’s names or say no names, encourage or just listen.

I know you have great news, I know you are pregnant, how wonderful.

I know it will bring new grief to Kevin and my journey.

I know this is when it gets hard; I don’t want to know but need to know- I might cry, I might laugh, I might not do or say anything- but I do need to know.

I know- you must wonder how to say it, when to say it, or to say it all-

I do know that it is most painful when no one says anything; it hurts worse, and stings more because I must find out through the grapevine.

I know I can’t make it easier for you, and I can’t make it easier for me, it is just the boat Kevin and I are in-

I know I might not seem it, but I am happy for you- please just understand how hard this is for me, please see through my actions to my heart.

I know I am not around, and it is for many reasons, but right now your joy, is my sorrow.
I know I can’t change this- and I am learning this is okay.

I know I would never wish this journey on anyone, but I would not change it for anything.
I know, but it would be nice if you told me….
I know…