Tuesday, July 22, 2008

What's With All the Sadness?

What’s with all the sadness? This is a question I got through a facebook message. This is one of the reasons I will be cancelling Facebook and MySpace. Interesting, that someone could say such a thing, maybe they did not know the situation; or maybe they did and they were tired of me being so "sad" all the time, either way the comment still caught me off guard. I guess loosing a baby is not that sad? Well from where I am standing, and what I am living through it is extremely sad. I have so far had a hard week. I still have to go every week and get my blood taken to make sure that there is no “cancer” that is multiplying through my body. I dread Tuesdays every time. I hate needles and I hate waiting for the phone call, always very aware that my levels could go up. I am exhausted, swept away with many emotions. Sometimes I am not sure I will survive this. I am just frustrated, feeling very aggravated in the situation that I am in, yet having no control over it. I am tired and wish so badly I could escape the endless sea of thoughts and pain. I don’t want to go anywhere or do anything, I don’t want to wakeup in the morning and I don’t want to do this anymore. I am feeling so desperate yet there is nothing I can do to change the situation I am in. "I did not realize you were still sad..." this is another comment I have recieved. Still sad? Still hurting? What do you expect? I am very sad.

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