When I awoke this morning one thing that made me somewhat excited to get out of bed, was the thought of going to the Fresh Market and picking out some fun things to eat or drink. My in laws are coming into town tomorrow for the weekend, so I wanted some different things to enjoy. I finally pushed myself out of bed around 10am (I know you are jealous...this is one of my perks of dealing right now...) but did not get dressed or moving until close to 12pm. Finally I got the motivation I was looking for and started out on my day, anticipating all the fun food I was going to get. As I approached the Fresh Market I decided to run into Stein Mart which is right next to it. I have been looking for summer shirts and skirts I can wear that make me feel good but are comfortable. Now if you are like me I have to be in the right kind of "mood" to try things on. And the last couple of days I have been in that mood. I went out yesterday in search for somethings only to come away frustrated and aggravated and convinced that they have shrunk sizes.... Anyways I decided to give it another shot, thinking to myself that it would make me feel good to find some cute outfits. I was excited to see they were having a big sale and even more excited as I rummaged through the racks and found that they actually had some cute things. My"mood" for trying on things increased and I went in with about 10 items each holding a unique and fun feel to them. I thought I was really going to find the right look and that maybe it would be one of those days when everything looked good and you had to make a decisions as to what to buy. As I slid on my first bright green skit (I was feeling funky) and green top and turned to look in the mirror, what I saw looking back a me was a frumpy Mrs. Kermit the frog, with unshaven legs and armpits and a muffin top belly and side pony tail that was a mess. I stood there for a moment, and then began to laugh at the sight of me. As the trying on continued, it just went down hill. Finally I pulled my original clothes back on, took my outfits to the lady and left the store. I was disappointed and a bit frustrated but decided not to dwell on it and to finish what I came for....some food (just what I needed after realizing just how bad I looked...but oh well). I walked into the Fresh Market which was absolutely crazy and froze, literally froze in the spot I was in, finally forcing my feet to move I decided to start in the back of the store where it was a little less crazy. I think I made it down two isle before I thought I might just have a break down right there in the middle of the trail mix and dried fruit. I quickly left my cart and walked out of the store and into my car. "What is wrong with me?" Is what I thought over and over to myself, this is normally not like me. I am so overwhelmed in normal situations, but I believe it is because my life is so far from normal right now. These are the moments I wish I could escape- I wish I could escape my body, my mind, my emotions, and sometimes the journey. Knowing that I can't I just have to escape moments, which is my only way of dealing. Finally when I arrived home is when all my tension left and I was finally able to breath and relax. I am praying the Lord will take these anxious moments from me, but in the quietness of my heart he is telling me that these are a gift, that when HE is ready he will release me and let me be free in situations again. Right now my freedom is within the walls of my home and family, and I continue to remind myself that these days will pass but to not rush them, embrace them.
The hardest thing to embrace is the frumpy Mrs. Kermit the frog.....come on God can't you at least give me my ideal body during this time?!!?