Santa is not the Issue.

I always want to live my life as honest and open as I can.  I have always felt called to this, my hearts greatest desire and I truly believe it is the way God created and intended me to be. I went through a period in my life when I was very discouraged to live my life like this, that it in fact was wrong. And I let myself believe that because I let their words become greater and stronger and louder then Gods words. I don’t think I realized the depth of that lie and just how much I had lost myself until I moved away.  It is so beautiful how God takes you on the journey, with all the twists and turns and pits and valley’s but he is never far, ever present, and always speaking…if we listen. I am trying hard to listen. I fail daily, I parent on my own rather the relying on God, and I spend more time scrolling Facebook then I do studying His words. I know these things. God is using my children as a mirror into my own lack of self control, and selfishness...A daily lesson for sure.

As this Christmas season approached, and my children (especially the 5 year olds) have really started to understand Christmas, both Kevin and I wanted to make sure we tried our hardest to stay as centered and focused on Christ as we possibly could. With that said, it was also our hearts desire that we do not rob our children of the innocents and imaginative hearts that GOD created inside of them. We went through many debates and came to the conclusion that with our family we would not “do santa.” (Introduction to Gabe).   

Now let me make something clear. We do not do santa but we have not sat our 5 years olds down and said “Santa is NOT REAL” in fact we have never spoken those words. We just don’t make a big deal about it and try our hardest to make a big deal of Christ. We however do not in any way want to take away from families who have chosen to do santa. Nor do we place judgment or think less of families that have chosen to embrace the fun and imaginative mind of santa. Santa is not an enemy of Christmas for Christians. Santa does not take away from Christ. Santa is not “lying” or “deceiving” our children.  Santa is not the issue. Our human flesh, nature, and sinfulness of the fallen world is. Santa is pretending. When we play with our children, we become ninjas, fighters, dinosaurs, firefighters, jet pilots, or race car drivers. We give them be best experience that we can because they are children. I tell my little boys all the time “you have best super power ever, your imagination. You can be, do and create ANYTHING with your mind and believe it is real.” I want them to embrace that, because we lose it all too soon. And when we do, there is no getting it back. Santa is pretending. Can it be over done? Over kill? Absolutely but that is sin, the sinful nature in all of us.

I love this quote by Charles Dickens “It is good to be children sometimes, and never better than at Christmas, when its mighty Founder was a child himself.”

Let kids be kids. God created their sweet minds to embrace the imaginative , creative, unbelievable, making it believable things.

It all came clear to me the other day. I sat a bin out for my boys “from Gabe” they were to fill it with some toys for children who may not have any toys. They did “ok” I had to do a lot of talking and explaining and encouraging. But whatever they are 5. That was not my issue. My issue was the disrespect I was receiving from my boys. Their attitudes and talk was out of control. Their expression of entitlement was overwhelming me.  I had come to the end of myself. I sent them to bed at 6:30pm that night and they were still fussing, fighting, screaming, and not listening. I found myself at their level (which is the worse and I am frequently doing) yelling “this is NOT what Christmas is about, we are suppose to be kind, and happy, and sweet…” I then took the bin that Gabe left and several other baskets into their room and took every.single.toy. out of their sight.  I wish I could write in such a way that you could literally hear the screaming and crying and sheer panic coming from my children.  I hid their toys. I also told them that Gabe would be “still” for the remainder of the week. And I left their room. 

That night I was exhausted and desperate and called Kevin (who by the way was out of town…) and he was encouraging and supportive as always. But my heart was still heavy. What were we doing wrong with our kids? I have stirred and pondered this question and gone before the Lord about it. And once again was humbled by the realization that this is me every day, all the time with my Father. My flesh so often taking the lead in my 

life, and yet at Christmas I expect it not to? No, reality of it is, although Christmas is a miraculous time of year, and such a sweet time to stop and remember, we are not to do it “one time a year.” The problem is that I expect my children to already understand this but instead I am realizing that I need to be teaching them all year long. Showing them. And I try. But I fail.  And because this is such a beautiful sweet time of the year, this is when our flesh rises up the strongest, and our battle is stronger because SATAN hates this time of year. We somehow forget his lurking and prowling this time of year, as though he has gone away to let us celebrate the One he hates the most…He hated it when Christ was born and he hates it today. And I believe, again I am no scholar...but I believe satan stirs more because it is the "one time a year" that we stop and remember and celebrate the most. So the battle for our children’s heart is stronger and harder. And through all the giving, presents, lights, and special Christmas-everything, we are fighting against our flesh, our sin, our nature to rise above and see it for what it really is. Our savior, being born, to die. The battle is every day, but that “one time a year” we are failing our kids. Our battle is every day, not just Christmas. Our battle is every day, and we need to be teaching our kids this.

Santa is pretending, really at the end of the day it does not matter if you do santa, or elf on the shelf, a tree or no tree, none of it matters, and the greater issue lays at the foundation of our hearts. Are we teaching our kids that Christ is the focus “one time a year’ or are we teaching our children that Christ is the focus EVERY.SINGLE. DAY?

Needless to say, my kids still haven’t got their toys back. And Gabe has sat in one spot. We will resume soon, because I don’t want to miss out on the precious, sweet, innocents of my children. But I am realizing that from this moment forward, we are going to be celebrating and teaching my children about Christ in a new light. He will not be celebrated just at Christmas, we will not just be nice..at Christmas…we will not just give exceedingly…at Christmas…we will not do acts of kindness…at Christmas….we will start doing this EVERY day. So when Christmas comes, yet it is special, and yes it is fun, hopefully my kids will not see a difference in the way we are living, or being, or doing because it will be our lives everyday not just…at Christmas.

So enjoy good ol’ Saint Nick and have fun with elf of the shelf…but remember…let’s celebrate CHRIST our Savior, everyday….

Gabe's upcoming Events

Hi Friends! We are 5 days into our Advent season. How sweet of a time it is. Whatever it is you decide to do remember it is not to late, and to have fun!  I wanted to give you a few of things that are to come for our Gabe so you could use them if you choose to. Also, I get several of my ideas from online and even Elf of the Shelf. Although I do stay away from Gabe being naughty, I try to focus on fun sweetness.

1. Gabe will leave bags out for the kids to fill with toys they do not play with anymore. He will leave a letter explaining he knows several little boys who do not have much for Christmas. And that Christmas is not all about getting but also giving. The next morning he will leave chocolate coins in the place of the bags. We donate the toys to a local ministry.

2. Gabe brings them each an ornament that is special and unique to them. One they will put on the tree for years to come.

3. Gabe will leave a ticket to see lights (I just print a fake ticket and we hit the neighborhoods) and they will have pop corn and hot chocolate.

4. We have done the angle tree in the past and I allow Gabe to be the one that leaves a letter about the child and the Christmas list he has. We then enjoy taking the older boys to the store to help pick out the gifts.

5. Gabe will leave a Christmas movie for a family movie night.

6. And this idea I just recently got off of Pinterest, He will hide candy canes all around the living room for them to find.

I hope you are having a good time with your Gabe. I am praying that this Christmas is the sweetest one yet, filled with memories and excitement and a whole lot of Jesus!!  I so have loved any and all feed back you have given!!!

Beth

Overwhelmed

I can't help be so overwhelmed by the response in regarding Gabe! Seriously y'all, I wasn't anticipating even one like, but to have so many of you be as excited as I am has blessed me to no end. Gabe is still and experiment. What I do know doing it again for the second time is that

1) They remember

2) The more fun you have the more fun they have

3) Gabe is awesome leverage i.e. "Gabe just told me if you don't stay in bed he will not do anything special for you tonight” (Awful, but wonderful.) 

4) You will forget to hide the star…it happens especially towards the end of the 25 days.

5) You will not be able to do Bible reading every night…some nights just get crazy. It’s ok, just pick up where you left off and move on.

6) You will lay your head down at night and remember you forgot to have Gabe do something….

7) You will love the excitement and wonder on your kids faces as they try to figure out how Gabe did that, and if he is really real.

God is revealing and releasing all kinds of idea for me regarding Gabe and this whole experience. I have no idea how or when He will allow me to incorporate them but I am excited to continue to experiment with y’all which make is too much fun…so thank you!

I am still very much in the process of Gabes story, really not knowing exactly how it will come together. I’m not sure his story will be ready this Christmas season, but I pray and anticipate maybe next time.   Kevin wanted something to read from Gabe tonight but I didn't have anything for him. To be honest I am currently battling a severe case of strep…ugh. So my energy level is a bit on the low side.  Stick with me though.  My dearest friend and I are working on Gabes story, so if I can get it finished I’ll get it you all to see what you think! Keep sharing, I have enjoyed having friends doing it with me this year! Yay for more years to come!!!  

Beth

Follow Gabe on Facebook

I'll be posting some pictures of our experiences with Gabe on Facebook. Follow his journey with the Tanner Crew!!!

HERE

Letter from Gabe

Here is an example of the letter Gabe left this year. Please feel free to print and use it, or copy it, or come up with your own!

My sweet Tanner Boys,

Oh how I have missed you. I have been planning my visit for some time now, anticipating our preparation for the greatest celebration! Are you ready to Celebrate Jesus’ Birthday??  Oh I sure am!! Do you remember my story? Do you remember how I was there the night Jesus was born? What a glorious and beautiful night that was. Filled with wonder and joy and excitement!! And now I get to come and share those stories that time those experiences with you!  What fun we will have preparing for the biggest birthday of all, Jesus’ Birthday!   

I hope you will greet every day this Christmas season with great excitement; I have much planned for us. I brought along my star.  Do you remember this?  Do you remember the wise men. How many were there? 3 right!! Oh how they loved Jesus. They could not wait to see Him and knew He was the much anticipated King!! They wanted to get to Him, but they didn’t know where to find Him.  You know what our awesome creative God did? He put a big, bright, beautiful star in the sky and they knew they were suppose to follow that star.  You know what I brought you? I brought you your very own star. It is not as big, but isn’t it beautiful? Every day I am going to hide this star, do you think you can find it? Do you think you can find it every day this Christmas season???  When you wake up every morning come looking, come running, come with excited hearts looking for the star just as the Wiseman did!!

I brought you one more gift this Christmas season. This book will help me tell you the story of Jesus. Every night have your mom and dad read from this book. There are ornaments to hang on the special tree over by your door AND I also put yummy treats inside your Advent Calendar! I sure hope you enjoy them.

I have so much planned for you Tanner boys, I sure can’t wait to spend each and every day with you!  Take good care of me, and make sure not to lose me. I also love when you tell me stories, or play with me, I even love if you want to snuggle up with me or maybe just maybe I can spend the night in your beds!!!

Gabriel AKA Gabe

Meet Gabe

The  Story of Gabe.

Last year my boy’s imagination really took on new colors and vibrant exploration. They can imagine up anything and love when I join in on the fun, almost like it brings it more to life. I am not a very creative person, really, not. But my Jesus is, He is the most creative of all…I mean come on He created me and that my friends is pretty creative, He just maybe forgot the creative bone inside. Anyway, before the boys really even understood all that went into Christmas, Kevin and I spent endless and countless conversations regarding santa. I grew up doing santa on the side. My sweet mom loves Christmas, and she would sign each and every gift from Santa- in her writing, and we would open each and every gift and thank her and my dad.  We never left out cookies, or made a big deal, but we also didn't make a big deal of whether he was real or not. He just wasn't the main focus- Jesus was. They did such a good job.

Being blessed with 4 boys, in 3 years and 9 months…I was in overload, cuteness and excitement as each Christmas began with them…. All your child loving, spirit induced, over excitement kind of takes over and you start see Christmas in a new light- bright and vibrant with such excitement! The want and desire to introduce Santa, to do Elf on the Shelf nearly killed me. But to no avail my husband (bless him for his patience Jesus) stood strong. So last year it hit me. I could create something just for my kids. Something special, and imaginative, filled with wonder and excitement and all centered on Jesus.

Meet Gabriel AKA Gabe.  

Gabe is a lamb, and he was there the night Jesus was born. He tells his story, gives his description and comes to celebrate with us.  He brings along his star, which he hides every day. He tells the story of the Wise men how they anticipated Jesus birth and we are to do the same thing. He then hides the star everyday for them to find, each and every day leading them to Christ.  He does silly things, like lines their animals up in a parade, or builds things with their Legos. But he also brings all kinds of fun activities for them to do. He builds a snowman using marshmallows, but leaves things for smores for that night. He bakes sugar cookie dough and leaves the kitchen a bit messy, but leaves the dough and cookie cutters for cookies. He gives them tickets with popcorn and hot chocolate to go see Christmas lights. He fills their advent calendar up with sweets, he reads the Christmas story to their animals, he brings a snowball kit, he brings them bags to fill with toys to give to those who don’t get Christmas toys and the next morning he leaves chocolate coins in there place. The beautiful thing is I make it personal and special for my kids.

This year he brought them Ann Voskamp book “Unwrapping the Greatest gift.” We have never used this book but I wanted some guidance of scripture to use and she does an amazing job. You also put an ornament up each night so I am excited to experiment with this.

I know all of us are trying are hardest to share Christ with our kids each Christmas. I do not think it is bad to do santa at all, and if you choose to do so  there is absolutely nothing wrong with it, enjoy it! But for those who are looking for something special to do, I wanted to share my idea. Really and truly it is not my idea- it is HIS idea. Please use it! And please share with me if you do, only because I would love to know. I have dreams of using different characters, for example.

Samual AKA Sam- an old granpa cow

Jessie AKA Jess – the spunky Goat

Zacharias AKA Zac- the slow moving Camel

Martha- The motherly duck

Malachi AKA Kia- the smart quirky donkey

Abraham AKA Avi- the cool and popular horse 

Anyway you get the idea; each one comes with activities and a story to celebrate Christmas!  Ill try to post pictures via Instagram so you can see some of the things Gabe did.

I hope you all have a Christ filled Memorable Christmas!!!

Beth 

Caterpillar

This week was....hard, really really hard. We had known that the first day of school was fast approaching for Ty but what I didn't know was the emotions I would be bombarded with the day leading up to the first day.  Ty's IEP (individual educational program) followed him here, so he was accepted into the preschool at a local school and they would continue his therapies. We have seen such improvement with Ty in the last several weeks sometimes I am not even certain he still needs the program. What an awesome blessing from our Healer! However, for now we feel like this is a great transition into school for the future and I am anxious to hear some of their observations.   

The night before his first day was an emotional roller coaster...for me. Fear, anxiousness, sadness, and complete and utter panic. I am Ty's care taker, his provider, his mama...and I was about to share him for a major part of his day. I rarely leave my kids...rarely. My heart was overwhelmed with this thought. That the next day he would be out of my care...my control....and I did not like that feeling.  Kevin had to talk me off of many mountain cliffs....many many cliffs (bless him Jesus).  Lots of reminders that Ty really his not mine he is HIS. That I needed to release Ty into the Fathers hand...yes that sounds so spiritual, my mind and voice box said that but my heart argued it, all.night.long.  

I had a crazy weird dream that night about a caterpillar. I was at some conference and the man teaching asked us to google the word beautiful. The first image to pop up was a caterpillar...weird right?  The man went on to say that this was the essence of beauty. Double weirdness. I woke up and started my morning routine...coffee. Kevin went and got CFA for the family because it is Ty's favorite for breakfast, and with it a mint. Ty came down, very emotional and a bit already on edge before breakfast. After a few tears with mama he started eating. He begins to tell me that there is a caterpillar hanging off his chair, which was his mint..."Look mama a catierpillar..." I kept thinking "why does this feel familiar?" As I was getting dressed my sweet and faithful Jesus gently said "don't you get it Beth? Ty is the caterpillar...the essence of beauty, but he can't be all I intended him to be in the cocoon...he needs out to develope his wings. To be ALL I intend for him to be!" Oh yes, yes, yes!!!! It was such a Jesus moment that I didn't deserve but my Father gave...just like my children. 

I know that I have to let my children go, daily walk that hill to the alter, and to know that Jesus loves them far grater then I could ever...but it is a daily challenge for me. 

Ty did amazing! He walked right into his class with no tears. He came home bubble (tired) and happy. He is down two days, and many more to go...but he is doing it and we are so thankful. Believing for great things in the coming weeks! 

Ramblings of June

Ok y'all I'm in heaven. I am sitting under the heat getting my foils the perfect tempt to turn my locks into the perfect color of summer! Heaven. I wish I had more time blog, I actually write some amazing blogs...in my head...as I am falling asleep. My days are just so filled, and when I do rest time (aka mommys nap) with the kids the last thing I want to do is think..about anything. 

So what do I update y'all on? The fact that all my pins on Pinterest are "gluten free" because we are starting to realize so much of Ty's sensory can be corrected with diet? The fact that I despise focusing to much on diet or food not because it's not important but because I feel like it is trendy and if you don't feed your kids organic, raw, vegan...paleo...then your labeled...heck we are not going to say no to cupcakes, or Oreos (because life is not complete without an Oreo and I am pretty certain there are Oreos in heaven...), or hot dogs on a good ol' American bun. BUT we do see that changes need to happen. So balance is the name of my game! 

Or maybe I update you on the conversation Jaden and I had about our Sweet Girl Liesl. How he is becoming so aware and so inquisitive about his story. How sometimes it makes my flesh rise up, but immediately my heart explodes with love and pride. He knows, loves, and cherishs Liesl. It is my hearts greatest cry and desire! 

Or my 11 days without Kevin. How he was in China when sweet ASA got ahold of the tablet that controls the security system and so sweetly called the fire department. How the fire truck and fireman showed up at my crazy induced house. How Ty was running in circles with a helmet and underwear on. How Asa was crying and Jaden was in awe and Karsten was the greeting team. How I met the poor, young, innocent fireman at the door, brawless, tearful and a spachela with eggs waving in his face... 

"Is there a problem here" and all I could think was "what kind of problem are talking about?" 

Seriously y'all true story. 

So I leave this update with some pics for you! 

Home Sweet Home

One thing I never want is to seem like or portray that I am someone who has it all together or lives a perfect life. I am far from it. I have good mom days and the really ugly-hope they don't remember- days... And to be really honest probably more of the second then I really care to admit to myself. But let's face it, I am tired...t.i.r.e.d. And you know what it is not always the "good type of tired..." That people always like to say or even the "but you have those awesome moments..." Yes we do have awesome moments, but we have a lot of non awesome moments when I am crying out to The Lord to return, intervene, or just take me home! Ha! However, God is good, He is faithful, and ultimately they are His children and He already knew I would fail daily and NEED his never ending grace and provision...and strength. 

With that said I have to say that we are happy, so so happy. We are finally home, the boys are feeling so much more peaceful and comfortable being home...Ahhhh home! It has been a long 2.5 months y'all. Seriously, that's it and in that time we sold a house, moved, rented an apartment, bought a house,  moved,unpacked boxes, found an awesome church and settled in.  When we left NC we knew there was no room For delay to find a community, for us and the sake of the boys.  God heard that cry and answered ten fold. I love my God, my God of details, and lover of story telling!

Quick update

Hi y'all! Know so so so many of you (sarcasm) are so so so very I interested in our very crazy life (sarcasm...lots of sarcasm!). 

We are all doing well. You can so see Gods preparation for us. Each step, each decision, ever detail God has gone before us and made the transition so beautiful. Even the hard moments, the difficulties with the kids, and the moments I miss "home" so much have been beautiful, I can feel Gods overwhelming presence and peace. Truly moments that are so tangible and so real, I can't help but rest in them. 

We closed on our house in NC last week. I thought I would be nothing but joyful, and I was so joyful but there was a sadness too...truly is no longer ours. We got our closing here on our house (oh yeah did I mention we found a house??) moves up, we will be in our new home NEXT Thursday! My heart is so overcome with gratitude, this house has so much space for my sweet boys to grow in. I can't even begin to imagine how awesome (it will be to clean...) it will be  to watch my boys in this house! We are all so very excited about this new adventure. 

We also found a church! Never In a million years did I think we would find a church home so quickly, but again one more reminder of how God loves details and story writing. My sweet Ty goes every Sunday with a skip in his step and a smile on his face, y'all this does my heart so much good.  The community has embraced us and loved us so naturally I honestly forget sometimes how new we are. So looking forward to our journey of growing along side of them!  I had specifically prayed that the first church we went to would be "our church," we did not have the option of church hopping because I know it would of been to hard on the kids. So thankful that God is in the details of my boys life, a reminder to let go of them...

Thanks to all of have prayed and cheered us on!!! 

Sweet Ty

My sweet lovable Ty...is wanting to "go back to Nor Carowlinaw...to

The old house..."

And this is the part of moving that hurts your your heart...the newness wears off and reality sets in...and your heart hurts. Say a prayer for my sweet Ty! 

From Anchored to Jumping

I honestly don't know how to title this post, or how to find the words to describe this journey...this move.  When this opportunity for presented its self we pretty much said "no" right away. I was still pregnant with Asa, and we just couldn't imagine anywhere but Asheville to raise our family.  We had passed up a huge career move for Kevin when Volvo closed its doors in Asheville and move to PA, we really felt so anchored in our house, church, friends and family that moving just was not an option. And I believe it wasn't, for that moment. I am so thankful, that we did not stay in that moment. That we didn't allow those comforts to be our anchor. I do believe that three years ago staying was exactly what we were suppose to do, God was anchoring us, for that moment. As time passed, God started untying that anchor slowly one string at a time and before we knew it we were freed.


When the opportunity came again for PTC we still initially said "no." However, it became clear that our reasons were no longer God reasons, that the time had come for our family to take a leap of faith. The cliff was high, the rocks jagged and rough and extremely scary, but God was asking us to jump. This is mine and Kevin's fifth move in our almost 10 years of marriage. The past 4 moves only affected us, but God was asking me to jump with my children....and that takes on a whole new meaning of scary.  I just wasn't sure I was making the right choice.  Each one of my children were comfortable, happy and growing fine where we were.  They loved having their family and cousins right next to them (and I especially loved it). They were doing well with their schools, especially our sweet Ty...and God was asking me to jump, but to jump without holding onto my children- to allow them to jump as well....and to trust the Caregiver. And it was hard. Really, Really hard.


The week before this move was an onslaught of tears and emotion. I was a hot mess (just ask my BFF's) it was not pretty. I was all over the board and the bottom of it all was complete, uncontrolled fear. Its that feeling you get right before a roller coaster ride...you are waiting in line, first excited, then a little fearful, and you even have those crazy (what if I am the one person that falls out) thoughts. As you get into your seat you are mixed because you know it is going to be a blast but you kinda love/hate that first drop. Once we pulled out of our driveway on Sunday, I was at peace. The first drop...was done. And although I did not know what the rest would hold I was excited to see.  It was like that from that moment on and  it has been nothing but amazing...pure amazing!


Things like the grumpy old man who came to fix my ice maker sharing about the schools. How Peachtree City schools are the best in the States for special programs offered to children with Autism and special needs...To calling a church to get information and the sweetest girl from the church being the hands and feet of Jesus, bringing me coffee and flowers, just because. And it doesn't stop there.. Jaden whent to Awana and LOVED it, the Womens Bible study offered is doing the exact book that I have been reading- they are one week ahead of me...to Kevin getting to spend an hour with the pastor while dropping Jaden off.  We have an offer in on a house that got excepted for 14 less then the asking price, and our house appraised for more then we needed....I don't understand it, but I am thankful, so so thankful.


I know this is where we are suppose to be, I know that Gods favor and provision is beyond my wildest dreams, and I know it is all because we were willing to jump, to let go and to watch as our children jumped as well. God is taking care of their needs before I could even think or pray about them...


I hope our story comfort's those who feel as though they  being asked to jump into a situation that seems to hard to scary....because when it is right, and God...it is beyond your wildest dreams. 


It is all God, for His glory, for His name for His story...I am just thankful!

Sweet little apartment

Asa's room 

Boy's room 

Kitchen/dining 

Living room 

Play/sun room

Our room

Not bad uh!?!? I feel so overwhelmed with thankfulness. What a peace you gain by knowing you are EXACTLY where you are suppose to be. I can't even begin to explain to you my joy! So thankful for my husbands adventurous spirit that leads us to new adventures! More updates soon!! 

We are Here!

We MADE it. I can't even begin to describe to you how tired we are. If hadn't been for my amazing friends (neighbors) yesterday, and our incredible, amazing parents today We would never of finished. Thank you does not describe enough how I feel. More to come but for now we are settled, we are thankful, we are peaceful! 

Glimpse of the oh so cute apartment that I surprisingly have fallen for! Who would of thought! 

Remember

In the midst of change, unknowns,fears, and anxiety... God is the same... How can I doubt or question in the faces of these miracles! We move forward with GREAT expectation of what God has in store for us.  

Processing in the Quiet

Shhhhhh.....it's quiet. For the first time in I can't remember how long I am up before the kids. Everyone slept so well last night. Not one person needed me, seriously y'all that is a miracle! Now I am alone at 6am with my coffee brewing, my Bible and well....you. 

It has been a crazy couple of months, and truly the craziness has just set in well past crazy crazy! I can't remember what day it is, totally missed Asa's well checkup yesterday, and am thankful when I realized I put something new on (pulling out of dirty clothes is becoming a bad routine..). Spending time with God happens in my baths and my car, I am thankful for an understanding Father who literally carries me thru! 

Because Kevin will head down before me  we thought about keeping sweet Ty in his preschool those extra two weeks. That's what all the experts are encouraging us to do. They even encouraged us to plug him into preschool the first week we move down there. The last several weeks of school Ty has struggled going "it's not good for me any more...it's boring..." Tyler loves the word "boring" and uses just about anywhere he thinks he can "I don't like rice anymore mom, it's boring..." Kinda cute, really annoying! Anyway, my moms instinct kicked into high gear, my heart was troubled, just didn't feel right about something with Ty. So on Monday night I was up most the night with Ty. The rule in our house is that if you are sick you sleep on the couch with mom. Well this particular night Ty was "sick" and just "had to sleep" with "my mom." The thing with Ty and his Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD- google for description...) is that once something is in his mind there is absolutely no talking him out of it. So onto the couch we went, where he was discontent- all because his little heart was anxious about school. I could spend an hour on here with y'all processing my heart about SPD, or Ty, or all the things I feel like I do wrong with him, but honestly I don't even want to speak it...or write it.  We have seen improvement with Ty since starting school, but since the move we had spiraled backwards like a freight train off the tracks, and all I can do is whisper to God my hearts cry as a mom, "what do I do?" We forced Ty to school on Tuesday, and when we picked him up the teachers face said it all "he had a really rough day..." I get the feeling that Ty is quite the handful even for the "trained..." I cried. My heart hurts, and worries about my boy. Before I could even talk to Kevin or process it any further I said "tomorrow will be Ty's last day, he needs to be home with me thru this move." And it was such sweet relief, such peace. He has not mentioned it again, and his sleep has gone right back to normal.

In all our moves (this one makes 5 in the almost 10 years of marriage), this one is by far our hardest yet. We are not just "pulling up" roots, we are having to dig down deep first and then yank with all our might, and it hurts. It is a lot of faith right now, feeling like this is the best thing for our family, but we really thought that this was out forever home. I always thought maybe we would move but honestly never really thought it would happen. There are lots to be excited about, and I am at peace most days, but the heart aches and there are moments I want to call it all off and "change" my mind and just say to God "this is not good for me anymore...it's boring!"

Blogging Again?

Could it be that I could once again start writing? I have prayed for this day to come, a release in my heart to share the joys...and chaos...and insanity of my life with my crazy crew. And whatever the reason might be, I have a freedom to share. I am thankful. My last post written over a year ago was the heartache I felt, of my joy being someone's sorrow. It seemed so wrong, and even today I know my words may hurt another’s heart. I can't change that, but I can give you freedom to read or not read (not that you really "need" that freedom)and know that if you chose to not follow my journey it comes with great understanding. I so understand.

 

In the last 4 years I have had 4 crazy, energetic, never stopping (not even for a moment, really not even in sleep...) fun, and entertaining BOYS. We were blessed with 4 boys in just less than 4 years. Through adoption and birth, my journey took a major twist that still leaves me breathless (physically and emotionally) at times. I am thankful, so very thankful. My life is full of beautiful and fun, and sometimes funny stories of everything from adoption, to butt paste art on my walls.

 

 I find myself caught up in a world of keeping up, comparing and often times feeling like I have somehow somewhere missed the mark on parenting. I don't feed my kids only organic foods, I am not constantly on my knees in prayer (although I do find myself heaped over in complete exhaustion crying out for God to "intervene..."), we don't do crafts by Pinterest all the time, I am not always organized, my kids stay in PJS a lot, we eat Chick-fil-a like its free, they don't wash their hands "every single time" they do anything, we watch a lot of TV, and I promise you my 4 year olds understand the I-Phone better than I do. That’s just a glimps of so much more that is real...and what I am coming to realize is that is not only real- it is ok, better then ok...it's great. I don't want to compare or keep up, I don't want my life to look perfect or like I have it all together because I can promise you I don't. I find beauty in the imperfectness that is me because my perfect Creator meets me right where I am (crumpled on the floor) and fills in my gaps better than any vitamin, smoothie, or best organizing kit you can build out of ply-wood and glue! And it is beautiful!

 

The next step in our journey is a great wonderful, crazy, scary move from North Carolina to Georgia. It will be pulling us away from comforts and security to a lot of unknowns. We are leaving our family, and friends, and the house I brought ALL my babes home too. And it is hard. I know without doubt this is the best next step but the unknowns are scary and the reality very sobering. Kevin will be taking a position as a manager that will require him to travel 25% of the time. This will be new for us, but the pluses of moving and the call on our hearts really outweigh the fears that come with it. So I am thankful, excited, and scared. “You have to climb the rocks to see the mountain view….” Thanks for climbing with us once again! Here’s to some fun blogging!!!!