Thursday, March 27, 2014

Processing in the Quiet

Shhhhhh.....it's quiet. For the first time in I can't remember how long I am up before the kids. Everyone slept so well last night. Not one person needed me, seriously y'all that is a miracle! Now I am alone at 6am with my coffee brewing, my Bible and well....you. 

It has been a crazy couple of months, and truly the craziness has just set in well past crazy crazy! I can't remember what day it is, totally missed Asa's well checkup yesterday, and am thankful when I realized I put something new on (pulling out of dirty clothes is becoming a bad routine..). Spending time with God happens in my baths and my car, I am thankful for an understanding Father who literally carries me thru! 

Because Kevin will head down before me  we thought about keeping sweet Ty in his preschool those extra two weeks. That's what all the experts are encouraging us to do. They even encouraged us to plug him into preschool the first week we move down there. The last several weeks of school Ty has struggled going "it's not good for me any more...it's boring..." Tyler loves the word "boring" and uses just about anywhere he thinks he can "I don't like rice anymore mom, it's boring..." Kinda cute, really annoying! Anyway, my moms instinct kicked into high gear, my heart was troubled, just didn't feel right about something with Ty. So on Monday night I was up most the night with Ty. The rule in our house is that if you are sick you sleep on the couch with mom. Well this particular night Ty was "sick" and just "had to sleep" with "my mom." The thing with Ty and his Sensory Processing Disorder (SPD- google for description...) is that once something is in his mind there is absolutely no talking him out of it. So onto the couch we went, where he was discontent- all because his little heart was anxious about school. I could spend an hour on here with y'all processing my heart about SPD, or Ty, or all the things I feel like I do wrong with him, but honestly I don't even want to speak it...or write it.  We have seen improvement with Ty since starting school, but since the move we had spiraled backwards like a freight train off the tracks, and all I can do is whisper to God my hearts cry as a mom, "what do I do?" We forced Ty to school on Tuesday, and when we picked him up the teachers face said it all "he had a really rough day..." I get the feeling that Ty is quite the handful even for the "trained..." I cried. My heart hurts, and worries about my boy. Before I could even talk to Kevin or process it any further I said "tomorrow will be Ty's last day, he needs to be home with me thru this move." And it was such sweet relief, such peace. He has not mentioned it again, and his sleep has gone right back to normal.

In all our moves (this one makes 5 in the almost 10 years of marriage), this one is by far our hardest yet. We are not just "pulling up" roots, we are having to dig down deep first and then yank with all our might, and it hurts. It is a lot of faith right now, feeling like this is the best thing for our family, but we really thought that this was out forever home. I always thought maybe we would move but honestly never really thought it would happen. There are lots to be excited about, and I am at peace most days, but the heart aches and there are moments I want to call it all off and "change" my mind and just say to God "this is not good for me anymore...it's boring!"