Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Giving Thanks with Empty Arms

I am amazed that tomorrow is Thanksgiving; I am amazed that all the leaves have fallen and that the cold of winter is upon us, I am amazed that months have passed, minutes have come and gone, and soon we will be welcoming in a new year.

I am overwhelmed how quickly time has come and gone, how much Kevin and I have come through, and grown from. Soon I will have the last of the blood drawn for these six months, soon I will be faced with the due date that should have been, the baby that should have come, and the moment that should have been celebration rather then grieving. Soon…all too soon.

Sometimes I don’t feel strong enough to face the days to come, but I have to remember the days I have already faced, that are now in the past, and I have to remember I am still standing and still praising God. So even though I know that the hard days ahead of me they will not make me stumble, but just because I have fallen on my knees does not mean that I want to get up, I am okay here on my knees, it is where I am most comfortable in my heart right now.

The last couple of weeks have been full of baby announcements; we were for a short time walking with these couples who are now holding their babies in the arms. At this time, this season, my arms ache with heaviness and emptiness. Oh how I long to hold my babies, whisper in their ears, try to make them smile, watch Kevin embrace them for the first time, how I long to feel their warmth in my arms, to smell them and touch them, and let them know how much I love them.

So all I can do, is lift these weak and weary arms to Christ, knowing he will fill them, and even though they still ache with heaviness, and emptiness they will always be filled with love for my little ones.

So in light of Thanksgiving I must tell you that as mother with empty arms, my heart is full this season, full of love and anticipation for what is to come, what God has already done, and how much He has already given to us. One day I will be able to hold my babies, I will see them, touch them, and love them, but now I must know in my heart that they are safe in the mighty arms of Christ, and for that I am thankful for.

Happy Thanksgiving family, enjoy your family this season, and if you are one that is able to hold your miracle in your arms, please hold them and hug them a little closer the season for me and for all the mothers who will celebrate this Thanksgiving with empty arms but full hearts!


Stacey said...

This is the last thing I'll read before getting on the road for Thanksgiving travels. It came at just the right moment.
You are such a strong and unbelievable woman, Beth. You are stronger than you know! Your faith is so encouraging to me. Stay strong, my friend, and know that you are in my prayers. I'm thanking God for you now!

Libby said...

This touched me so much as a mother because sometimes we forget to stop and appreciate all God has done for us. Yes there are still things I long and pray for everyday, but He has blessed me beyond belief. I love you girlie!

Oh, and I love the new look to your site, it is adorable!!

The Petersons said...

This is an absolutely beautiful post. It's the first one I've read of your's, but I look forward to going back and seeing the journey you've been on so far.

Jim and April said...

wow...beautifully written! I agree...i too am a mother of children in heaven but like you also...i am so thankful and full of love and excitement for the things to come, the things God has in store for us!

Michelle Hill said...

Hi Beth! I love the new look! Very cute. I miss you and hope to see you soon! You are loved very much and I am proud of you.

Hillary said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog -- for the kind welcome and encouragement.

Your Thanksgiving post brought tears to my eyes. I look forward to reading more about the journey ahead!

I Believe in Miracles said...

Stay strong sweet friend. This is a beautiful post.