Thursday, November 6, 2008

Fried bananas and scoops of ice-cream

As I sit here in front of the computer I can’t help but think about how my writing has slowed a bit. I think about this a lot; you would think that it would be flip around that I would write more now than the past, but for whatever reason God allowed it to be easy to write then than now. It is harder to write now….

What do you continue to write about? My journey is pretty much the same; the loss, the wait, the anticipation, the emotion, the healing. I know that each day brings a different healing, a different emotion, and different outlook, but the reality is still the same.

It has been so hard, and I would be lying if I told you otherwise. This past pregnancy, Judah, has knocked my breath right out of me; I am still not standing and find myself on most days just trying to catch my breath. Honestly I don’t expect it to be any different. I did not think that this journey would be easy, from the moment I heard “molar pregnancy” I knew that this moment in my life was going to be hard and it is. But I am walking it.

I have lost friendships, “we” have lost friendships, we have changed, we have slowly faded away from so many things we were involved in, we have found ourselves finding comfort in arms we never expected to find comfort, we have grown, changed and become different yet in so many ways we are still the same.

We have climbed the mountain hand in hand, we have let people go but have grabbed a hold of hands that understand and want to walk up this mountain with us. We have grasped the hand of Christ and not let go even on the darkest and hardest days we have held on to his hand.
We have left fakeness at the door and walked through living our lives in front of others as real as it gets, we have been criticized and laughed at, we have been talked about and advised and then in the end we have been left.

Through it all, there have been moments of fried bananas and scoops of ice-cream. That was what was sent to our table unexpectedly, given with the gift of dinner paid for. How can this be in a time of darkness? Some people really get being led by the spirit, really know what it means to be sensitive and allow God to bless us thru their amazing gift of generosity. How cool and amazing is our AWESOME God, who revealed himself tonight through fried bananas and a scoop of ice-cream! (Thanks, you know who you are! Enjoy the grinder!!!)

1 comment:

Teresa said...

I just read through the glimpse from the start blogs and some others. There are no words, I know, but I have to say how sorry and heartbroken I am for you. This IF and miscarriage stuff is horrible and I never realized how many women go through it. Thank you for sharing your story! I'll be coming back daily to read :)