Saturday, April 12, 2008

Tests

Our good friend Jamie and Brian and there little 6mo old girl came to visit us from PA. They arrived early....early this morning. Jamie called to let me know how close they were, they were about 2 hrs away. As I laid awake in bed anticipating there arrival I could not help but think that maybe I was pregnant. Sometimes during these long months my mind and body plays tricks on me, and sometimes I really feel as though I am pregnant. I try not to get my hopes up but for two weeks Kevin and I will really think that maybe this is the month. I am having one of those months, so as I laid in bed I kept praying to the Lord "please this month, please..." I decided to end my anxious thoughts and get up and take a pregnancy test. I enjoy doing them when no one knows because then I am the only one disappointed and holding the truth for that moment. As I was getting ready to get out of bed God laid Psalm22:5 on my heart, so before I began my journey in the bathroom I ran downstairs to grab my Bible. As I opened up to this chapter it dawned on me that this is the very same chapter God gave me right after he took home our first born. I begin to get emotional as I remembered reading this not long ago. Vrs 5 goes on to say "they cried to you and were saved, in you they trusted and were not disappointed" after reading this I was convinced that God had given that verse to me because I was about to find out that I was pregnant. As I waited the few seconds for the test to register one or two lines I held it high into the air and prayed in my heart" I believe God, I believe that you can work miracles I believe it is your desire for me to pregnant and in you we will never be disappointed..." I brought the test down to eye level and opened my eyes, once again in my hands laid a negative test. What do you do in that moment? It is always a choice, it is also a choice when we find out that someone else just got pregnant, and really did not try hard at all...it is a choice to either curse God because he did not "Perform" the way I asked him to or to praise him because you truly believe in your heart and in that moment that if you trust in God you WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED. I truly believe that we will not be disappointed because Kevin and I believe in God, we believe in his power, his love and his infinite wisdom. So even though I cried, even though it is hard, even though it feels as though our turn will never come, I will praise him. But please for me and Kevin if you have children give them an extra hug, hold on to them tight, and praise the Lord for them. And the next time you think about complaining about a late night, or inconvenience of your children take a second and think about the couples who would give anything for a sleepless night to just hear their baby cry.

2 comments:

Missy Bennett said...

Beth... I love your honesty... and your praising the Lord even when it's not what we want... Keep hanging onto His peace that surpasses all understanding! I love you!

julie said...

Sweet Beth, Surprise it's your cousin Julie. I know exactly the ride you're on. It can be excruciating at times. However, when this wild ride is over you will have taken some twists and turns, ups and downs you never expected. I know from whence I speak and I wouldn't do it any other way. I know sometimes you want to get off the ride but you will be glad you stayed on when it's all over. I promise. Love you!