Thursday, July 9, 2009

47 days!

Well the nursery is almost done, and baby Jaden will join the world in 47 days unless he decides to come early, which is what I think will happen. We are so overwhelmed and amazed by our God’s blessings in our lives. When I walk into the nursery it often times brings tears to my eyes, it has been a long and difficult journey and I can't believe that the nursery is not someone else’s, but it is my vision and dream, it is ours and the feeling is indescribable. If you are up to and want to see you can click on Jaden's Room and view it, but please don’t feel like you have to.

Last night Kevin and I enjoyed an evening out to dinner and then a trip to Babies R Us, it is interesting to walk into a store that for so long caused such an ache in my heart, and even as I walk through the doors I often times feel as though we don’t belong and they are going to escort me out. We need to pick out a car seat for Jaden and ship it to Colorado Springs in the next week. As we search and play with the car seats I am once again overtaken by emotion, and of course often times finding myself praying for those who so desperately want to be doing the same thing, girls I do pray for you so often.

Many of you have asked when and if we are going to have a shower before Jaden comes, Kevin and I have spent a lot of time discussing this and have decided that a shower would just be too difficult right now. Kevin and I have been robbed of our innocence, it just comes with the territory of loss and as much as I would like to say that lives in the past, the loss of my two babies has forever sculpted the person I am today and the way I view things in life, especially when it comes to having a baby.

My desire is to have a celebration of life party once we have sweet Jaden in our arms, until that moment I don’t think I could bare doing a shower and then something happen….it is the reality of which I live in. However, I have to admit there have been many moments that I have wished for a shower just to help with some of the larger and more expensive items that Kevin and I are now having to purchase, but once again I am reminded of God’s abundant grace and provision in our lives and I know without a shadow of doubt that He has and will provide every need and want we have for the boys!

So although we are not registering or doing things the way every other couple does them does not mean I have not had my fun of dreaming of items I would love to have, so I have put together a wish list that I am still adding to and would love to share it with you, not because I am asking for these items but just because it is fun to see what a girls dreams are….but once again I will put it in a link (Beth’s Wish List) so that those of you who are not up for looking at it will not have too. And please don’t, I will forever remind you that it is okay!

Which is what I would like to close this post on, I am amazed by the girls God has brought in my life through this blog, I don’t always respond back and I don’t always tell you girls how much you mean to me, I feel your cheers and encouragement even in the midst of your own grief and waiting and the feeling is indescribable. Please know, that those of you who are my faithful followers are being prayed for, I go to God so often asking for Him to release His blessing in your life. Know how much you are loved, cherished and appreciated you were and still are the valleys of joy in the journey of sorrow!