Two Years Ago Today

Two years ago I said hello and goodbye to my first son

Two years ago a piece of me flew to heaven on angels wings

Two years ago I crossed over the line of wanting to gaining

Two years ago I walked into motherhood

Two years ago I learned what grief was and watched as my heart broke

Two years ago I opened the palms of my hands allowing God to take everything

Two years ago I realized my journey into motherhood was going to be difficult terrain

Two year ago I named my first son after my dad, Eddie they will forever share birthdays

Two years ago I had no Idea I would be expecting my third, Jaden Daniel Tanner through adoption

Two years ago is behind, the future lies ahead and I embrace it with open arms

Happy Birthday my sweet little Eddie, you are celebrating your 2nd birthday today, we love you, miss you and carry you with us everyday!

Meeting Stacey

What an amazing God given night!!! Stacey and her husband Chuck were in Tenn. for a vacation. On Thursday they made the drive to NC to visit with Kevin and I. We had so much fun downtown Asheville! Kevin and I pretended we knew what we were doing showing them around however somehow ended up in an alley, parking garage, stairwell and eventually back to the first place we saw to eat! They were so patient with us and we enjoyed a nice evening of sharing and encouraging.

It was an amazing adventure to meet Stacey, and telling our story even baffled us. The fact that we met through blogging is such an unexpected gift to my heart. We are kindred spirits and meeting up only confirmed our already blooming friendship!

God is so amazing to allow something as blogging to be such a connection with others, Stacey's friendship means the world to me and you would never have guessed we had just met that night. It was sad to see them go but I know that they will be forever friends in the years to come!

Thanks Stace for coming all this way, you are a blessing and I love you!

New Terrain

My mind has been all over the place lately. Between Mothers Day, the anniversary of Eddie and then Judah, Kevin and me celebrating 5 years soon and of course the overwhelming amount of paper work we have been issued I have defiantly been on overload!

A lot of people thought I should be celebrating Mothers Day this year, but it is so very hard to do. I know that in three months we are going to be holding our son (which still amazes me to say, and you should check out how great I look for being six months pregnant….j/k) but I don’t know that Mothers Day will be easy to celebrate, especially since this is my third Mothers Day when we are “expecting.” Kevin and I ended up staying home on Sunday and being together, enjoying each other and of course we did one of our favorite things, we went for a hike! It is hard to believe that this time last year I was pregnant with Judah, and two years ago I was pregnant with Eddie. I am beyond excited about all that God is doing, but honestly I still deal with fear daily, having to take those thought captive and not let them rob me of my joy.

Jaden has brought such joy to Kevin and I, we were talking about him yesterday and how Kevin hopes he is born a little early so he will not miss his first Broncos game, yes we already have him a Broncos outfit to wear and Kevin can’t wait to have a buddy to watch the games with! I am constantly amazed at the family God is bringing to us; we truly love Liesl and are so excited to have her part of ours and sweet Jaden’s life. God is an amazing God.

In the evenings this is what you will find Kevin doing:

Because we are working with two agencies and two states we have a LOT of paper work and fees to pay for. We are at peace that God is in control, He knows our finances and we know He will provide, but our flesh wants desperately to know how and when…. Until then if you come to my house you will see a house that is full of paper work, we have a month to get this all completed and then our next steps will be home studies and preparing for little Jaden! Thanks for your prayers and interest in our journey, this is defiantly new terrain for us!

Turning the Bend in the Journey

How do I even begin this post? To describe all that is happening in our lives is overwhelming and miraculous and so much to take in. I am truly having a hard time forming words around all that we are going through, thinking and feeling. I guess the first thing I have been pondering lately is this blog.

I have talked about it before, the journey of this blog, how it was first created to keep in contact with the middle school students I was working with. It was a way for the 300+ students to get a chance to get to know me and my daily struggles, it remained that for about half a year. Then when we moved and lost our first baby it quickly became a place for me to post what was going on with Kevin and me and our lives and journey of moving to NC and trying for our second. After we lost Judah it became a blog about grief, infertility and trying to walk the journey giving God all the glory.

In the last couple of years of my life I have written 233 posts, had over 10,000 hits, and linked up with friends I would have never met. This blog has truly been a hidden treasure from God that has become a best friend. So now that my journey is taking a turn into parenting do I close this blog down? Honestly I know how happy many of you were for me, but I do know the boat some of you are in, I know that there are girls who have been trying for 7 years with many miscarriages, I know that there are girls going through IVF right now, those of you who are pregnant, those of you who have been trying so long and have decided to take a break, those of you who have been waiting for your baby through adoption much longer then Kevin and I, and those of you I don’t know much about. I do know that some of you heard that I was adopting rejoiced for me but also felt the pain in your heart as God has called you to wait a little longer.

So, I know that now this blog is about to be the journey into adopting, the ups and downs, fears, joy and then one day about the moment I held Jaden for the first time. I invite you a long, but I can’t promise that for some of you it may be hard to read, and I understand because I know that feeling; I know that I had to chose not read a few blogs because it surfaced my pain too much. I will promise to always be sensitive, to remember the wide variety of readers, but know I understand if you must take a break from reading. I encourage you to do whatever you need to do to walk this journey- it is different for every person and you must walk it the way God created you to walk it. Just know I am praying for you and looking forward to seeing your prayers answered.

Tanner News

Dear Family and Friends,
We are so excited we get to write this email, and explain all God is doing in our lives in this season. It is hard to believe that we are coming up on a year of loosing Judah and two years of when we lost Eddie, God has truly been faithful through the storms and brought us through the difficult times. Kevin and I are stronger and would do it all over again if the Lord asked us too.

The night before I found out I was losing Judah, I can remember praying and calling out to God through my fears and uncertainties. My levels were so high they thought I was having twins, as I was praying I was crying out to the Lord in the midst of the unknowns “Oh Lord please is everything going to be okay? Am I having twins?” and His sweet and constant reply to His anxious daughter was “Wait and see what I have for you Beth!”

Even the day while lying on the bed in the doctor’s office and having her tell me I was not having a baby, the Lords voice through the wind, thunder, and rain was saying to me “Wait and see Beth, just wait and see…” Never in a million years did I imagine what the Lord meant when He would whisper His promise to me.

I have always known that my God works in mysterious and wondrous ways, I have always known that my God does things outside of the box we tend to put Him, I always knew but honestly never expected. From the start of this journey, from our first steps onto the rocky and scary path we were determined to walk it glorifying God and giving God our lives to bring children into our home however He wanted to. We have always known that adoption was a calling on our lives, we just did not know when or how God would orchestrate that into our lives.

But we are so excited to ANNOUNCE~~~
On August 27, 2009 Kevin and I will be meeting our third, but first LIVING son. On August 27, 2009 Kevin and I are adopting not just a child but a family. On August 27, 2009 Jaden Daniel Tanner will enter this world, and we will embrace him as ours!

You are probably wondering how all this started, how did God orchestrate this amazing story and just what I mean when I say we are adopting not just a child but a family??

When I worked at the church in Colorado I got to know one amazing young man, Tyler. Tyler and I became instant friends, and had an instant connection! He was a senior in high school at the time and he helped out a lot with the middle school youth group that I worked with! Never in a million years did I know that he would play such a huge role in bringing a child into our home.

Liesl is Tyler’s sweet sister, and at 17 she found herself pregnant. She being the brave and amazing young girl that she is decided to place her baby up for adoption, and Tyler thought of Kevin and I, and so began our story.

We began making contact with her, talking with her and embracing her, a few weeks later we booked tickets to come visit her, and to be with her. The Monday before the Friday we left she called letting us know that she had chosen us, we would be her son’s parents! We are just coming home from the amazing visit with her and her family!

Kevin and I wanted an open adoption, and this family wanted an open adoption, and that is what we are going to have. They are planning on coming to visit us, spend holidays together and be a part of Jaden’s life. Kevin and I are beyond excited knowing that this is exactly what God is calling us to do. We know many people may not understand, but we don’t always understand God’s ways because God’s ways are not our ways!!! We are laying down our lives not only for our son but for this family in hopes that they would experience God’s abundant grace and love even more!

We appreciate all the prayers we can get; we know that this process is going to be an adventure in every direction we look. We have to trust the Lord with our finances and with the future details as we began the process and journey of adoption. We are so excited and are excited to announce the life of our first born!!

*Please Pray for Liesl, this will be a new journey for her, she needs all the support and love we can give her, and as time goes on many of you will meet her because this family is now our family!

* Please pray for Jaden, that God would keep him safe and protected in the womb.

*Please pray for Kevin and I as we walk new ground, and turn the corner on our journey.

We are beyond excited and are so excited to introduce the newest members of our family:
LeAnn- Liesl’s mom
Tyler- Liesl’s brother AND
Liesl- Jaden's Birth mom