Sunday, January 25, 2009

January 25, 2009

I have been thinking and praying what I should write as today approached. Today is a day of many amazing birthdays, today is an emotional, exciting, and hard day. If you are reading this, today could even be your birthday (Stacey). For me today holds many difficult and exciting moments as each second on the hand of the clock tick by.

Four years ago today my sweet nephew Owen was welcomed into this world. How do I describe that moment when I heard that my sister gave birth to a sweet baby boy. I had only been married for a few months and I can remember the excitement I had when I got the phone call that He was born and he was a healthy 10lb baby boy! Happy Birthday Sweet Owen, I love you!!!!

Today, two years ago we said hello and goodbye to a sweet little girl, Selah. She is the daughter of my cousins Amy and Dan. I can remember the moment my mom called me to tell us Amy was in labor. Selah’s sweet life, although brief in time has impacted so many. Today I remember Selah, I remember her life, I remember my heart longing and asking God to allow her to live and grow with us here on earth, I remember praying for Amy and Dan as they allowed the Lord to call Selah home to his hands and loving arms. Today we say happy birthday our sweet Selah, you will forever hold a place in the hearts of those who love you baby girl!

Today a year ago I was given a due date of January 25th, Owen and Selah’s birthday would be shared by a little baby I thought I would get to bring into the world. God had other plans for our sweet little Eddie. Had our first child that we conceived had been healthy and God had allowed us to see that child to full term we would be celebrating a little boy’s 1st birthday. I can’t help but think about what theme I would go for, I can’t help but wonder if Owen and Eddie would have shared their birthday and celebrated together, I can’t help but wonder….

Today has many emotions, as I remember and think over what God has done in each of our lives. Last year I took flowers to my grandmother’s grave for Selah and Eddie. This year I did not… I decided come June on Judah’s birthday I will take flowers for all the babies that God has called home. My arms ache for my babies, but my heart is healing and today, although I grieve, I feel as though I am grieving in a healthy way- it is not self focused or sadness, it truly is grief wrapped in the joy that only God can give.

January 25, 2009- what a day this will forever be in my heart, it is a special day, and it will always be a special day- it is amazing how God can take an ordinary day and make it such a memorable day!


Libby said...

Girl...I am so proud of you. You sound like you are truly healing.
Know that I pray for you and love you!

Wray's said...

beth, your heartfelt words were a comfort and encouragement - thank you for giving such a sweet tribute to my little girl, for carrying the burden of grief along with us, and for sharing your mother's heart and reaching out by extending your love in the midst of your longings and own sorrow of your little ones. i sure do cherish you.

Stacey said...

What a powerful post, B. My birthday brings feelings of happiness and sadness along with it for me too. I am unbelievably happy that God saw fit for me to live for such a time as this and to know Him as my Father. He wanted me to live right here, right now with special friends such as yourself!

I know how unfulfilled due dates feel and I'm sorry for your pain and loss. My very first due date I had was January 21, and I always envision what it would be like to celebrate the week of my birthday with my would-be six year old.

Love ya, Beth. I'm remembering Eddie and Selah with you, and all those other little lives that were not in vain.