I have many unwritten Christmas cards sitting in my house that I made by hand. I stare at them and don’t know where to began, I sit down to write out a Christmas letter and don’t know what to say or how to say it, and it is just too much.
For those of you, who have followed my blog, thank you! It means so much to me that many of you have caught a glimpse of my heart and have followed, encouraged, and prayed for me along the way. It is amazing how some people have decided to stop reading because it made them feel uncomfortable or they did not like how or what I was writing, it has hurt my heart so much. But then there are those of you, who are so faithful, so encouraging and so incredible, and there will never be enough or the right words to say thank you.
I am not sure that Christmas cards will be sent out this year from Kevin and I, we just did not expect all the bumps and potholes in the road that have made this Christmas season a little more difficult for us. I can barely find the strength to buy Christmas gifts or to even think of ideas. Kevin has offered to take all of this on, and I know he will be of great help, but I am not sure how this season will play out.
As Kevin and I discussed these things last night I told him this was a reminder of last year, I was going through my first loss, we were trying to decide whether we should travel or not, we were not sure about Christmas cards, gifts, or anything else and here I sit, a year later with another loss and the same but stronger grief.
It puts the Christmas time in such a new perspective because it really is not about the gifts, cards, trees, lights, or anything else, but it is so much more, so much deeper and when you have been so strip and humbled of everything it makes you go to the real meaning of Christmas, the real miracle and that is all you can hold onto, that is where the pure Joy is…in Christ.
So if you normally receive Christmas cards from Kevin and I, I am sorry if you do not get one this year, please understand that we were not expecting me to be in the hospital (again) or that we would have been out of town for such a long time. We are also coming up on the due date of Judah, December 27, is the date we hold onto, it is just so much to get through this season. I just wanted you to know that we appreciate each of you; we love you guys and can’t thank God enough for the family and friends God has given to us. Sometimes the only way I can fall asleep at night is to repeat my blessings, and every time the readers of this blog (my family and friends) are mentioned, you give me strength! We love you!!