Thursday, December 11, 2008

Unwritten Christmas Cards...

I have many unwritten Christmas cards sitting in my house that I made by hand. I stare at them and don’t know where to began, I sit down to write out a Christmas letter and don’t know what to say or how to say it, and it is just too much.

For those of you, who have followed my blog, thank you! It means so much to me that many of you have caught a glimpse of my heart and have followed, encouraged, and prayed for me along the way. It is amazing how some people have decided to stop reading because it made them feel uncomfortable or they did not like how or what I was writing, it has hurt my heart so much. But then there are those of you, who are so faithful, so encouraging and so incredible, and there will never be enough or the right words to say thank you.

I am not sure that Christmas cards will be sent out this year from Kevin and I, we just did not expect all the bumps and potholes in the road that have made this Christmas season a little more difficult for us. I can barely find the strength to buy Christmas gifts or to even think of ideas. Kevin has offered to take all of this on, and I know he will be of great help, but I am not sure how this season will play out.

As Kevin and I discussed these things last night I told him this was a reminder of last year, I was going through my first loss, we were trying to decide whether we should travel or not, we were not sure about Christmas cards, gifts, or anything else and here I sit, a year later with another loss and the same but stronger grief.

It puts the Christmas time in such a new perspective because it really is not about the gifts, cards, trees, lights, or anything else, but it is so much more, so much deeper and when you have been so strip and humbled of everything it makes you go to the real meaning of Christmas, the real miracle and that is all you can hold onto, that is where the pure Joy is…in Christ.

So if you normally receive Christmas cards from Kevin and I, I am sorry if you do not get one this year, please understand that we were not expecting me to be in the hospital (again) or that we would have been out of town for such a long time. We are also coming up on the due date of Judah, December 27, is the date we hold onto, it is just so much to get through this season. I just wanted you to know that we appreciate each of you; we love you guys and can’t thank God enough for the family and friends God has given to us. Sometimes the only way I can fall asleep at night is to repeat my blessings, and every time the readers of this blog (my family and friends) are mentioned, you give me strength! We love you!!


Stacey said...

You're so right, B. Don't let all that other "stuff" about Christmas get you stressed out. It's all nice but it's all just stuff! There will be next year to send cards if you feel like it. Just focus on the wonderful gift of Jesus - He is all we need!

Praying for you continually as Dec 27 approaches. My heart is heavy but at the same time rejoicing that I've "met" you. Love ya.

LynnSC said...

Hi Beth,
I am blessed by the honesty in your writing. I wonder about the people that can't handle "real"... what exactly is going on in their hearts???

You will not turn me away with your "realness". I know that the walk of faith is full of many things... joy, peace, love, as well as pain, hurt, and struggle.

Praying for you.

I Believe in Miracles said...

I love the real-ness of this blog. I'm praying for you as Christmas approaches, that you can focus on the birth of our Savior, and he will comfort your heart..

Anonymous said...

Hey Beth, I finally got the chance to sit down and read your blog. Oh, Beth, I love what you have done with it. It just looks so pretty. My heart jumped a little when I saw the daisies! You know what a special flower they are. You have an eye for color...I seriously think you could be an interior decorator or fashion designer. Well, I just love it!

Anyway, is it akward to say that I found peace in your writings today? You have been so open and real with us. I find it soooo refreshing and peaceful. I know you are still on this journey Beth, and days will be hard, holidays will be hard, and decisions you make will be hard. But one thing I admire about the way you are walking this journey is that eventhough it is hard you do find some solace of peace everywhere is takes you. I believe it is Christ shinning through you, showing himself in the midst of chaos and turmoil. And as far as Christmas cards go...don't worry about it. Who decided we had to make Christmas a Hallmark holiday anyway? Anyone who knows and experiences the true meaning of Christmas would not be offended by the lack of a Christmas card from the Tanners. We know your hearts, and I cherish that more than a piece of cardboard with a snowman on it any day! I love you dearly! J

Hillary said...

I hope you get to experience God's healing and joy in unimaginable ways this Christmas season....and that doesn't involve Christmas cards, typically :)
Thanks for sharing your heart on this blog -- I am a new reader who is new to IF, but I am so encouraged by seeing your real faith in your own journey.

Michelle Hill said...

Hi my friend! You are loved and I'm thinking of you. Don't worry about Christmas're words here on your blog say so much more. Thank you for your sweet heart. See you soon,

Marlita said...

I'm a new viewer, but just wanted to let you know that your story has touched me, and I would love to keep up with the work God is doing in you. I too have lost a child, and I am a part of a Christian support group called M.E.N.D. (Mommies Enduring Neonatal Death)
I know the holidays are tough, and will be praying for peace this Christmas for you and your husband.

Anonymous said...

Sweety, people will understand so dont stress. You need to take time out for yourself, be a little selfish. You have been thru a rough time. Take care of yourself over this festive season. Much love xxx