Sunday, December 21, 2008

Celebrating Sorrow

Kevin left for Florida this morning. Kevin and I rarely do anything apart from each other, one of the true blessings of our marriage- we love to be together. However given how sick I was for a couple of weeks and still not recovered we finally made the difficult journey that I would stay behind.

It is lonely without him; there are only so many Lifetime Christmas movies you can watch. The house is quite and the spirit of Christmas is upon us but sorrow seems to be the greater spirit in my heart. I am falling into it, not rejecting it or trying to run from it.

As I was lying in bed with Kevin last night I shed tears for so many reasons. My tears ran freely because Kevin was leaving, but also because I so desperately miss my children, my heart has been prepared to be a mother and yet I don’t have my baby to love, and sometimes I am not sure what to do with my aching arms and longing heart.

As I celebrate the birth of my King I will also celebrate what should have been, I will celebrate a life that was, a life that could have been, and a life we will one day meet. There is much to celebrate in the midst of sorrow, there is much to have joy about in the midst of grief, and although my tears are shed, I still raise my hands to my Father and give Him thanks for what he HAS done and what He WILL do.

We have much to look forward to, we have much we can appreciate, but for the next week we will remember the past, we will remember the pregnancy test, the celebration of Judah’s life from the first day. We will remember the past of Mary the virgin and the miracle of her birth to a King, we will remember His life, what it was, and what it still IS!

And although their is sorrow, their is celebration, of what was, what is, and what is to come!


Stacey said...

I know it's so hard for you to be apart from Kevin, especially right now. Hope these days go by quickly! You are in my prayers as always. You know how to reach me if you need me ANY time. Love ya Beth!

Mandolyn said...

The Lord put you all on my heart all day today. I love you Beth, and am fervently praying for you guys during this time. You have incredible strength and faith. Years ago, you taught me that our Father comforts the broken, and to let the Father hold me when I don't have the strength. Beth, I'm praying that for you both right now. That you feel the loving arms of our great God around you, embracing you and comforting you, and the overwhelming love, grace, and mercy that he is pouring over you both. Love you sweetie; you know how to get a hold of me for anything.