Wednesday, November 11, 2009

A letter to Myself

Dear Waiting Mother,

How my heart longs to speak to yours, to encourage you, to speak words of life, patience and endurance. I can remember the waiting days; they are only but a moment in the past. Their ache, grief and questioning still leave their marks on my heart. Yet as I sit here now I sit with a heart full of joy.

As I am living out my miracle I can’t help but think of you, remember you and carry you with me. I can’t help but think about what I would say to you as you endure your wait, as you see one more negative pregnancy test, as you learn you are losing a baby. I can’t help but want to encourage you, to speak to your aching heart and let you know that your joy is just around the corner, and that the wait- well the wait is worth it and the journey- the journey is what makes the joy that much sweeter!

I know sweet Waiting Mother that it is hard to see beyond the tears that fill your eyes and the grief that fills your heart; I know how hard it is to see beyond the hundredth negative pregnancy test and the not so good report from your doctor. I know your heart hurts every time you hear of one more friend, relative or coworker who is pregnant. I know you try so hard not to question God, but in the quietness of your heart you find yourself questioning God. I understand the sleepless nights, the endless frustration and the hurt that comes from comments of people who just don’t get it. I just want you to know that in the end, it is all worth it.

There will come a point where you look back over your journey and you will be at peace with every step, every tear, and every loss. You will still grieve, it will still hurt, and the scar will remain but the joy you will have will heal in a way that is beyond comprehension. I just want you to know that the journey will be worth it, I can promise you that your joy will come in the morning and although there seems to be no end to the darkness in sight, it will end.

So hang in there, cast that net one more time and watch as God fills it with unexpected joy that will be beyond anything you could ever ask, imagine, or dream of.

You on the other Side!


Hillary said...

Beautiful, Beth. This was such an encouragement to me! You could have also entitled this, "To my infertile sisters." :)

The Swann's said...

Thank you Beth. Every reminder. Every encouragement. Every prayer. They all help. All appreciated. All needed!

This is worth me printing out and pasting around my house so that I can read, whenever needed. Yesterday would have been good but today is even better!

Thank you for sharing your heart with the world! And for your sweet e-mail! Praying for you too hun!

Stacey said...

Thank you, Beth, for this post and your kind and sweet heart. Every word of this post is refreshing to my soul. Love you, friend!

Lisa said...

That was beautiful, it really was. Thanks for sharing and for encouraging those of us that are still in this part of our journey!

Andrea said...


I feel as if I was lead to your blog...devine intervention to soothe an aching heart and a head full of disappointment. God is good and I will do my earnest to walk this path with grace and honor him along the way.

Thank you for validating all those thoughts that swirl in my head and for giving a complete stranger HOPE.

Andrea said...


You are amazing! I have no question that I arrived here by devine intervention. You've answered so many quesitons and spoken so honestyl and eloquently about your journey. Thank you for renewing my spirit :)

May God continue to richly bless you as you serve him with such grace.

Wishing you every happiness in celebrating your new arrival.