Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Moving Forward

Wow I am slacking on my blogging. I don't mean to, but I am healing so well that I find myself more and more busy everyday, which is such a blessing.

Things are progressing in the journey to being a mom. Today we had an appointment with a new OB. After many recommendations from several of my close friends Kevin and I felt in our hearts that we were in need of a change.

It is never easy for me to walk into an OBGYN's office. Everywhere I look seems to be shouting at me what I can't have. Every pregnant women I see, seems to be screaming at me that I will never get to experience it, it was not different today. It was hard.

I am so glad we went though and my first appointment with my doctor could not have gone any better. Even in the midst of some hard news we felt encouraged that we are once again climbing back on the "horse."

My doctor was shocked at my story, in all his years he had never had a patient with an ectopic pregnancy and a molar pregnancy. He was also shocked to learn about the near death experience I had with my ectopic pregnancy- we were once again reminded that this should never have happened- but it did.

After going through my history and talking through my molar pregnancy I told him we got the all clear six months ago, although God (he is a believer as well, how amazing) had really placed on our hearts to wait a couple of months but we were ready to start trying again. He looked at us with concern on his face and said that given the severity of my particular situation he would not be comfortable with us trying until a full year has passed. The moment my heart fell to the ground- once again.

We understand but were not expecting that news. I know we are nine months in but when you are ready and when you have waited so long already and additional months seem hard to swallow. We respect his council and in the mean time I will began all the testing and this time Kevin will be going through some testing as well.

We know that in order for us to have child, the normal path of “just trying” is not a reality for us anymore. My doctor found great hope in the fact that I have gotten pregnant, my issue I guess is not getting pregnant but rather having a successful pregnancy. I wish there was a word to describe my journey- I don’t fit in the infertility boat, but I don’t’ fit in the boat of success, so where do I fit in?

I am a little blue today processing all of this information but I am more hopeful than anything else, it’s just that the appointments make it so evident how normal I am not…but that’s okay, I know I am a daughter of the King and am His beloved!


Hillary said...

((hugs)) I'm sorry for the difficult news to wait longer. I can imagine that heart-dropping feeling when the doctor said that! The Lord has a plan for, Beth, and I know you will find joy in that...but I also know it is difficult to wait to see that plan unfold.

I Believe in Miracles said...

I am encouraged by the new doctor, although I can well imagine the news is hard to hear. It seems this journey is full of waiting...

I'm praying that God gives you peace as you wait.


Stacey said...

I'm just now reading this news today. I'm so sorry that you have to wait a few more months. I know you were ready to try again and that any setback is hard to hear.

I do feel encouraged by the new doctor and I hope you will receive the best care as you move forward. As always, I'm waiting and hoping with you! Love ya, my dear friend.

Becky said...

I am so sorry to hear the disappointing news, it must be very difficult to be told you have to keep waiting just as you are ready to try again. I am praying that you will have the peace that surpasses understanding as you wait. Continue to fix your eyes on the Lord rather than your circumstances. I am praying that God works in a mighty way on your behalf in 3 months time when you are able to try again.

Anonymous said...

Beth, I emailed you last Saturday night about my recent molar experience too. I just checked your blog on a whim just now and saw your new entry. My heart dropped with yours when i read the doctor's response. I can identify with the moment well. I too so deeply long for the same things you do. I weep with you... and pray. (PS: Thanks for the email reply too)