Monday, July 25, 2011

Finding Contentment

It is easy to find contentment when everything in life is going the way you want it to, and really how often does that happen? And so we find contentment to be a fleeting moment, here one second and gone the next.

When I was going through our journey of trying to have a child, I found myself in the most discontent position ever. It seemed that the only thing in life that would make me happy was having a child, and if I was not going to have a child then I was going to live a very discontent life. Of course you feel this way, and honestly of course God knows we are going to feel this way, He did design us...However, I believe it is what we do with the discontent that either breaks the heart of God, or gives Him the most glory.

I remember finally coming to a place in the journey, when I was able to give it over to the Lord. I submitted it to His hands and placed the desire upon the alter. And it was a real moment, it was not a moment where I was thinking "If I do this then...well then God will give me what I want..." Nope. it was a true sacrifice, one that took a daily walk, climb and battle to the alter to lay it back down again and again and again.

I can remember having many conversations with Kevin about how if God did not give us a child then I knew in the depths of my heart that He had something greater for us...something that would bring us joy that surpassed all understanding. It did not mean the ache, or want was not there it just meant that I was going to stop living my life thinking that having a child was the only thing that would make me happy. It was in that moment that God was able to bring sweet Liesl into our lives, who in return gave us the greatest gift of Jaden, and the next day the surprise of Ty.

Now, it was not always this way- it took me a lot of tears and anger to come to this place...it was not something that happen over night, it was something that took place over a lot of time. It is also amazing how you quickly drop back into a life of discontentment, which honestly is where I have been. I have been discontent with where God has us with Kevin's job. It is not an easy place to be when the future is so unknown, but honestly every tomorrow is unknown.

Our Pastor taught an incredible message last night at church as he finished up His series on the 10 commandments...I highly recommend you listening to it if you have the chance HERE (Laws for Life #6). Anyway he really encouraged us to be content in the now, being content in the now allows God to bring the greater blessings, ones you did not even know you needed or wanted.
1 Timothy 6:6 "But godliness with contentment is great gain."

Timothy even goes onto to say that we brought nothing into the world, and we can't anything out. God is faithful to provide for the today, so why are we so consumed with the tomorrow? And why is it that He provided for us yesterday yet we worry about today? God has proven Himself time and time again to me in ways I never imagined or could dream of, yet I am concerned about a job? No, today I lay it all down and live content in moment.