Caterpillar

This week was....hard, really really hard. We had known that the first day of school was fast approaching for Ty but what I didn't know was the emotions I would be bombarded with the day leading up to the first day.  Ty's IEP (individual educational program) followed him here, so he was accepted into the preschool at a local school and they would continue his therapies. We have seen such improvement with Ty in the last several weeks sometimes I am not even certain he still needs the program. What an awesome blessing from our Healer! However, for now we feel like this is a great transition into school for the future and I am anxious to hear some of their observations.   

The night before his first day was an emotional roller coaster...for me. Fear, anxiousness, sadness, and complete and utter panic. I am Ty's care taker, his provider, his mama...and I was about to share him for a major part of his day. I rarely leave my kids...rarely. My heart was overwhelmed with this thought. That the next day he would be out of my care...my control....and I did not like that feeling.  Kevin had to talk me off of many mountain cliffs....many many cliffs (bless him Jesus).  Lots of reminders that Ty really his not mine he is HIS. That I needed to release Ty into the Fathers hand...yes that sounds so spiritual, my mind and voice box said that but my heart argued it, all.night.long.  

I had a crazy weird dream that night about a caterpillar. I was at some conference and the man teaching asked us to google the word beautiful. The first image to pop up was a caterpillar...weird right?  The man went on to say that this was the essence of beauty. Double weirdness. I woke up and started my morning routine...coffee. Kevin went and got CFA for the family because it is Ty's favorite for breakfast, and with it a mint. Ty came down, very emotional and a bit already on edge before breakfast. After a few tears with mama he started eating. He begins to tell me that there is a caterpillar hanging off his chair, which was his mint..."Look mama a catierpillar..." I kept thinking "why does this feel familiar?" As I was getting dressed my sweet and faithful Jesus gently said "don't you get it Beth? Ty is the caterpillar...the essence of beauty, but he can't be all I intended him to be in the cocoon...he needs out to develope his wings. To be ALL I intend for him to be!" Oh yes, yes, yes!!!! It was such a Jesus moment that I didn't deserve but my Father gave...just like my children. 

I know that I have to let my children go, daily walk that hill to the alter, and to know that Jesus loves them far grater then I could ever...but it is a daily challenge for me. 

Ty did amazing! He walked right into his class with no tears. He came home bubble (tired) and happy. He is down two days, and many more to go...but he is doing it and we are so thankful. Believing for great things in the coming weeks!