Where have the months gone?

I remember eating a Popsicle and sitting on a box of my belongings and looking at my empty house filled with cardboard boxes and a big moving truck outside. I was sweaty and hot from packing up and making sure that everything had found its way into one of the many boxes and nothing was left behind, besides the stray sock behind the dryer that I decided we did not need. It was a sad day seeing our house empty and it was even sadder pulling out of the driveway for the last time. As we drove down Glade park drive I thought about all the memories we had made in a short 12 months. It does not take long for people to find their way into my home, memory and heart.

I can't believe I left Colorado in the heat of summer, with school letting out and Mexico missions trip on the way and seeing Amazing race finished up. I can't believe that I watched the mountains of North Carolina change into the most vibrant colors, watched the leaves fall and then raking them up until I felt as though every leaf in North Carolina had found its way into my yard. Now as I look out my window I can see far beyond what use to be blocked by numerous beautiful leaves and can see my breath as I enter out for my daily walk with my dogs. As I see the snow fall I can't help but wonder to myself where did the months and time go?

If I look back to the person who was sitting on the boxes eating a Popsicle and now look at the person who is sitting at her computer writing this, I am once again amazed at the changes God has done within my soul. I am deeper in love with him, astounded by his grace and overwhelmed by his love for me. I am overtaken by the amount of change I am experiencing with each changing season in my own life. I am being reminded through the changing of seasons in life how I always want to be changing in my walk with the Lord. Everyday is a new day, everyday I want to experience something new about my creator. I don't ever want to be in the same place stagnate in my life not experiencing all that God truly is, but I also realize that change comes with a cost. Just like the green leaves on a tree, their change in color their vibrant look, their amazing beauty comes at a cost of death, they must die in order to see the true beauty that lies within. Am I willing to die to everything I am in order to see the true change that only the Lord can bring? The answer, yes. I don't want to be chained to death, but to see the beauty that dieing to oneself really brings....New life, new heartbeat, new beauty!

Where has Beth Been?

I have gotten this question in so many different forms and from so many different people. The question is actually not that easy to answer. Yes of course I could give the normal response of "around" or "oh you know here or there." I could also give an actual location such as "Uh...North Carolina" or "In my new house at my new desk with my new computer..." But to be truly honest no one is asking the question with those answers in mind. So I have decided to tell you where Beth has really been. It is not easy to vulnerable, or honest, you are never quite sure of the outcome or the response of the party who is hearing the truth. I feel as though in life right now, being honest may help some of you really understand "Where Beth has been."

As many of you know and as some of you might not know, I have been challenged beyond words or comprehension the last year. God has been stretching me, breaking me and refining me through so many events in my life. Zi my dog getting bit by the rattle snake, moving to NC, my husband starting a new job, leaving many friends in CO, selling our house, buying a new house, staying at my parents house, and sending my husband to Korea have just been minor things. The most impacting thing in my life that many of you do not know about was loosing my baby. You might be reading this and thinking to yourself that I never had a baby, but I was never ready to talk about it until now.

Two weeks before Kevin excepted his job in NC I found out I was 6-8 weeks pregnant. You can imagine Kevin and mine excitement and surprise as we took in a new move and the hope and dream of a new little Tanner. I was more then excited, and sick as some of you remember....
When I went in for my first ultrasound they could not find my baby, they were concerned and thought that I had miscarried my first little baby. The next morning they called informing me that I was still pregnant and that I needed to wait a week. This is probably the time that I fell off the face of the earth. I was put on bed rest, I was scared, confused and sad and trying to embrace my growing baby everyday. A week later I found myself in the emergency room about to go under for surgery, my baby was in my fallopian tube and if they did not remove the baby we would both die. On may 31, 2007 at 5:00am the Lord took home mine and Kevin's first little one. Even now it is hard to talk about.

You know what I am learning through all of this? That it is okay to be angry, upset, mad, and emotional with God. He knows your heart anyway why not tell him and that is exactly what I am trying to do. During these tough days I have not been the Beth you know, I don't even know myself at this moment in time. It is an accomplishment if I get out of bed in the morning and put two feet in front of the other, and to believe that God really does work out everything for his Glory!

Many of you call and email which I cannot even tell you how much I love and appreciate. But I need you to know I am not talking to many people right now. I can't explain it and I am not sure how long I will be this way. I turn my phone off a lot because it make me anxious...I know crazy. But remember I am just trying to be as honest as I can and I need you all to know about this! I do not want any of you thinking that I am ignoring you or not wanting to talk. I love you all and miss everyone!
Thanks for the prayers and support!

Moving Away

My friends,
How I already miss you.
I can't believe all that God has done this past year. He has used each of you in my life in such a huge way. As Kevin and I prepare to leave the great state of Colorado we leave behind many friends and family. Please know how hard it is for Kevin and I to go. The Lord has stretched us beyond what we can explain in many ways and we are being stretched even now as we leave. We know that this is all part of Gods planning!

SouledOut,
My kids, I can't even tell you how many of you I adopted in my heart. You have made me laugh, scream, smile and even cry. Many of you got yelled at by me at Dare2Share and Winter Camp and yet you still loved me and excepted me. You are my pride and my heart. My desire for you still is to to know Jesus Christ and to make a choice to follow him, one you will never regret! Keep in touch with me!!!!! I will visit I promise!


Here is our info:
email:
Silvertanner@gmail.com

Address (for now)
203 Davis Mnt. Rd.
Hendersonville, NC
28739


LOVE YOU!!! I will continue to update my blog~~~
Beth

Not my plans but your steps

So Life has been beyond crazy. There has been such a theme in my life the last couple of years where I really feel God challenging me with my favorite verse;

Proverbs 16:9

"Man plans his path but the Lord will direct his steps."



I find myself in situations where I have planned out how I want things to go and the Lord changes it all up. Here are some examples that have happened in the last couple weeks.


1) Two weeks ago after a lot of prayer and consideration Kevin and I made the decision that it was time that I step down from my job at Woodmen. It was for a lot of reason but was not what I was expecting nor was I planning... once again a Challenge.



2) A week ago this past Friday I went on a hike with some of the most amazing high school girls EVER! Katie Mac and Corrie Egli, we headed out to Ute Valley with my two dogs Zion "Zi" who is three years old and Moab who is only 13 weeks old. We hiked up about a mile or two... I really am not sure and decided to turn around. As we were walking down my dog Zi jumped in the air like three feet. I was like what the heck when all of the sudden I saw this ugly rattle snake staring straight at my dog who was only at this point three feet from the snake. I had to get closer to the snake to make sure that Zion would come to me, he did and then Corrie and Katie and I had to walk five feet from the snake to get past it. When we were sure we were far enough away from the snake I put Zion down to make sure he was okay but sure enough he got bit on his back right paw. At that point I lost all sanity and began freaking out. We quickly grabbed Zion who is almost 40 pounds and started running to the car. There are so many other details but needless to say that in the midst of everything I could feel God challenging me to trust him in this moment, it was not at all how I planned my day but was I willing to believe that in this moment this was his best for me. Zion is doing amazing and is slowly getting back to normal!!!!



3) So when we moved here to Colorado we bought a house and we were planning on being here for at least 5 years. As the year has progressed and things have changed at Kevins job he decided we would at least take opportunities that may present themselves on other jobs. On Tuesday after the whole rattle snake scare Kevin got an email from a Job in NC. He had interviewed with this company a couple of months ago and we were waiting to hear back. It would be a job that would take me back to my family. As hard as it would be to leave it would really mean a lot to me and my family to get closer to them. We WAITED what seemed to be forever and Got the job offer on Tuesday. I did not realize however that they would want us to move so fast. We will be leaving on June 11th for North Carolina. It will be so hard to say good bye to my students, and friends at Woodmen. It has been amazing and God has put the most amazing girls in my life. I feel so blessed and overwhelmed. I never dreamed I would meet some of my closest friends here in Colorado Springs.



As you can see God has different plans for our lives. I am challenged even now with somethings I cannot share, things I never expected nor asked for but in my deepest heart I know that in this time this is GODS BEST!!!! This his absolute BEST!